15 Fiercely fun, last-minute Father's Day gifts under $30

I've been told repeatedly by my family that I am tough to shop for (sorry, bloodline). Some would argue that many men are. "I don't need anything" we'll offer as we stifle secret dreams of really expensive things we want that are unlikely to get wrapped up. A luxury SUV, a waterfront property, that life-sized chess game from the Harry Potter films. Unless big-ticket items like the latest flat screen, a Patek Philippe watch or those triple forged titanium golf clubs that were made out of alloy that's actually been to space (those, to my knowledge, don't exist) are within reality's reach, it can be tough for your average dad to envision fun stuff he'd actually want that won't ruin you financially. And, if he's a good one, he's too busy holding family stuff down to think up gift ideas. On the flip side, dads tend to go practical (read boring) when pressed. "I could use some new socks, these are pretty thread bear." *shows you big toe through sock*

Do get your dad some socks if his toes are poking out but don't worry if Dad is a tough sell when it comes to amusing and affordable flair. I got you. The ideas here are fun, decidedly frugal and you can still pick them up or have them shipped in time to put a glow in Dad's heart. He'll almost certainly grumble something to the effect of "bah, you shouldn't have", but his proud parental brain will be glad you did.

Full disclosure, I don't have kids but if I did I'd want them to buy me this stuff (so would all the dad's I know). There is stuff in this list to please every permutation of progenitor. I did my research. Serious question: when is Cool Uncle's Day?

All of the gifts below ring in at $30 and under, and all should arrive if you buy.right.now.

Outset Leather Grill Gloves

Silicone is fine when Dad is cooking up a storm in the kitchen, but if he's a purist while he's grilling dins over an open flame and magma-hot coals (and you know he is), get him some grill gloves that'll make him feel like he's smelting iron. Cater to his inner Prometheus by letting him manipulate fire with these stylish, fireproof, finger savers.

Buy it in time

Stanley Classic Anywhere Beer Pint

He will drink it on a boat. He will drink it in a coat. Yes, your dad always wants a beer. He will drink one anywheere. Look, I'm no Suess, PhD., but if your dad is statistically representative of most of his demo, he wants a cold one. Make sure he can sip his chosen brew anywheere with this update on Stanley's classic thermos.

Buy it in time

Judd Apatow's Sick in the Head

Although Dadjokemia is a serious condition affecting most fathers, you can support yours by laughing dutifully at his groaners. At least on Father's Day. But if your pops is a true comedy nerd, buy him this book. Apatow's collection of conversations he's had while geeking out with legends like Mel Brooks, Jerry Seinfeld, Jon Stewart, Roseanne Barr, Harold Ramis, Louis C.K., Chris Rock, and Lena Dunham will plaster a smile on Dad's goofy face.

Buy it in time

Pain is Good Hot Sauce

If Dad only measures tastiness in Scoville units and is consistently scoffing at the heavy heat promised when wait staff takes his order, get him this portable flavour flask. This one's registered at "medium" - let him start with that. You don't want to embarrass the guy by having his taste buds tap out right away.

Buy it in time

Plant Theatre Funky Veg Kit

If the man has a green thumb, spends his summer months weeding like a demon and tends to wince with jealousy when the neighbours come over with toddler-sized zucchini, get him this unique collection of vivid veggies. Purple carrots, red brussels sprouts, stripy tomatoes, and multi-coloured swiss chard are just a few of the colour non-conforming edibles he can watch grow with this cool kit. And then smugly wave under the neighbour's nose.

Buy it in time

Alien Xenomorph Cookie Jar

Show me a dad who doesn't enjoy a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie and I will show you a man who either has a gluten intolerance or is really serious about the no-carb thing. No judgement. But if your pater familias is equal parts baked-good fiend and Ripley devotee, get him this cookie monster. This creepy treat receptacle will fill his geeky sci-fi heart to overflowing. Note: You'll have to pay for express shipping on this one to get it in time.

Buy it in time

Death Before Decaf Mug

The truest coffee aficionados would sooner chug a keg of hot dog water before letting decaf dishonour their lips. If Dad rolls full caf all day everyday, he needs to be starting each one with this decidedly metal mug. If Earl Grey is more his cup of tea, get him the Drop It Like It's Hot version. At ten bones a piece, you can afford both.

Buy it in time

Thug Kitchen's Eat Like You Give A F*ck Cookbook

He doesn't have to be a potty-mouthed thug to love this book, but if the filthy words fly while he's chopping it up in the kitchen (or just, always), he needs this. Hilarious and fun, the recipes found within yield real food (eat your motherf*cking veggies) for real people who love to cook and eat. Also, instructions will provide a good source of yum. Lastly, Gwyneth Paltrow loves it (fact) and we all know she's thug AF, so that's gotta count for something.

Buy it in time

Giant Zombie Lawn Flamingos

Should your father's love of all things undead and flesh-starved be rivaled only by his distaste for his neighbours, you're pretty much obliged to purchase these lawn ornaments for the guy.

Allow him to let his freak flag fly with these four foot horror flamingos that say "I take zombie lore, ornithology and landscaping very seriously". If Dad's a weirdo with a dark streak, you've found his gift. Note: You'll have to pay for express shipping on this one to get it in time.

Buy it in time

Maca Root Vegan Shave Cream

Well-groomed and mindful, your dad cares about his skin and the skins of all sentient creatures. Many grooming products contain animal-based glycerine. But this maca root shave cream makes sure the only skin he's at risk of harming is his own as he powers through a morning shave. Pick up the Maca Root Razor Burn Relief while you're at it.

Buy it in time

BB-8 Waffle Maker

He'll never have breakfast a long time ago in galaxy far, far away, or cut a loaf of bread with a lightsabre, but this'll give him some hope. You're his only hope. If his ideal Father's Day brunch features Star Wars waffles, this is the droid you are looking. In case it needs to be stated, you're cooking him breakfast in this thing. Note: You'll have to pay for express shipping on this one to get it in time.

Buy it in time

Drake Pantry Bourbon Infused Maple Syrup

Not just for fun brunches, this bourbon-infused maple syrup will cater to his inner foodie and trigger his Canadian pride. Not a big-ticket item, so getting him the Earl Grey, Chamomile Infused and Dark Amber versions is a must. You just bought him four flavourful excuses to make him the brunch he deserves, assuming you didn't already spring for the BB-8 Waffle Maker.

Buy it in time

Dernord Beer Cooling Sticks

The colder the better. Made with the most satiating sips of frosty brew in mind, these glacial gadgets will drop the temp on any of Dad's favourite thirst quenchers. Show up with his go-to six pack and these topical coolers already chilled in time to clink bottles with the big guy this Sunday and you'll get major progeny points.

Buy it in time

How to Stay Alive In The Woods Classic Survival Guide

If Pop is a prepper at heart, this classic (in print for 5 decades) will take his bushcraft to the next level or just give him the primer notes he's always wanted. He'll be ready for apocalypses of the zombie, nuclear or pretend-weekend-survivalist varieties. Also, if Google Maps ever conks out or his battery dies, he'll have a fighting chance of coming out of that impromptu exploration hike unscathed.

Buy it intime

VersionTech KOTION G2000 Gaming Headset

C.O.D., Battlefield 1, Super Mario Run, Owlboy, Lego Star Wars: it doesn't matter what his favourite game universe is, but if these titles ring a bell because Pops is a bonafide gamer geek, you may as well give the man what he wants - focus, to get to the next level. Without breaking the bank, this headset will let him treat his inner kid to an in-game shouting match with a kid in Dubai or just help him block out the sounds you and the rest of the family are making while he's trying to play.

Buy it in time

Bingo. You're done. But if you're reading this still too short on time or money, remember that a proper hug and a day of hangouts is what your old man could really use, however clichd. If you aren't huggers or the relationship is strained, how did you make it through this article? Meh. You could also send a card - I'll leave the appropriately penned sentiment to you.

Marc Beaulieu is a writer, producer and host of the live Q&A show guyQ LIVE @AskMe