Why a 17-year-old says she wanted 'the pain to go away'

She stands outside a recreation centrein Attawapiskat,just 17years old,head down, speaking quietly, sadly, but almost matter-of-factly about her own attempts to kill herself.

"I felt alone," she says. "I just wanted the pain to go away."

That pain, she says, comes from more than one place.She cites"family problems" and says"something happened to me when I was a kid, but I don't want to talk about it."

"I was carrying a lot of stuff in me."

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Manysay bullying,overcrowding, boredom andlonelinessareallfuellingthesefeelings of despair on theAttawapiskat First Nation, a community of fewer than 2,000 people.

Bullyingwas a problem for her, not initiated by kids at schoolbut by adults, who she sayswould talk about her and her friends behind her back.

"Adults are bullies too.They like to name-call people."

The teen, whom CBC News has agreed not to identify, says bullying and suicide arediscussed at schoolbut she wishes other issues that plague young people would bediscussed as well, like anxiety and eating disorders,something she says she has suffered from.

Isolation and overcrowding

On top of all of thisis the isolation that she and many of her friendsfeelliving in the remote James Bay areareserve.

She says she currently lives with her grandmother in a crowdedhome of 12 peoplewaiting, she says, for the power to be restored in her mother's house so her family can return. Hermother lives with her boyfriend andhas been unable to pay for power. Andher father, she says,won't pay childsupport.

Attawapiskat bonfire and march celebrate positives of life

8 years ago

Duration 1:29

Some 150 people of all ages took part in candlelight suicide awareness walk Tuesday night in northern Ontario community

She says she's friends withothers whohave also tried to end their lives, including those who were brought into the health centre on Monday night, detained by police over fears that they were planning a group suicide.

That followed a report of 11 suicide attempts in one day over the weekend andreportsof over 100 suicide attempts and at least one death since September.

The town is currently in a state of emergency. Additional mental health workers have been sent in, and politiciansare expected to start trickling in Wednesday. Meanwhile, the House of Commons was holding an emergency debate on the issue Tuesday night.

'A lot of people feel nobody cares for them'

The girl was one of dozens of people who came to the Reg Louttit Sportsplexcommunityhall, where an all-dayforum was held for residents to talk about the crisisand the other serious issues facing their town.

The forum was alsoan opportunity to just let people speak about their ownissues, their troubled childhoods. One woman talked abouther issues with her mother who "never told me she loves me."

"Spend time with your kids," she sobs. "Spend time with your kids."

Carissa Koostachin, 14, was emotional as she talked aboutbullying, something she sayswas partially responsible for causing her cousin Sheridan Hookimaw to kill herself last year.

"A lot of people feel nobody cares for them," she says. "I don't want to lose another one from suicide."

But she says she doesn't like to talk about why her cousin committedsuicide, fearing thatit could prompt others to follow her path.

"If you keep talking about suicide it's going to make the other youth want to do it again."

"It's not just this reserve. There's others reserves out there too. It's just Attawapiskat that is really out of control right now."

That's why the 17-year-old girl is trying to help other kids who might be thinking the same thoughts she struggled with. She recently took part in a long healing walk to helpraiseawareness about suicide and addiction.

"When I saw the community cheering it gave me hope," she says.

With cars following slowly behind, around 150people of all ages took part in acandlelight suicide awarenesswalk Tuesday nightaround the community.

"This was to show that we care about them and that they don't have to do this to themselves," said KeishaPaulmartia, 19

"They shouldn't have to feel this way at such a young age."

She said the older generation wasaffected byresidential schools and now have a hard time showing support fortheir children and grandchildren and telling them they love them.

"It was hard for them because they never hadthat growing up," said Paulmartia. "And they didn't know how to show it. And Ithinkthat made the younger generation feel like they weren't cared about and they weren't loved."

A bonfire meant to celebrate the positives of life for youthisscheduled for Wednesday night.