Author provides guide to post-separation parenthood

The breakdown of a marriage is a difficult experience, and for many couples withchildren, the goal isto parent them in tandem, or form ashared parenting agreement.

It's called co-parenting and author Karen Kristjanson has written a book that shares stories and strategies for navigating the transition.

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"It's very messy and I think that's what makes it interesting, and also really challenging because whatever else is happening in your life, if there's an addiction or if you have a special needs child, it just adds more complexity,"KristjansontoldB.C. Almanachost Michelle Eliot.

Her bookCo-Parenting from the Inside Outfeaturesstories of couples who have found solutions to non-traditional parenting, and includes her ownstory of how she raised two boys two decades ago after her marriage ended without many of the resources that are available today.

Kristjanson turned to a counsellor and connected with a group of five other women,who were all navigating post-separationparenthood.

"We would meet every other week for several years and it's not so much that I got specific answers, but it was wonderful to unpack what I was experiencing and what I was grappling with."

The first hurdle she facedwas accepting that her dream of a traditional familywas ending, which brought anger and sadness.

Children first

To deal with these emotions, Kristjanson said she had to put the children first and come to an agreement with her ex-husband on how they would separate their time during the week in order to equally share responsibility.

Once they mapped out a path forward, it allowed time for her ownhealing.

One piece of advice: avoid personal feuds that cause drama and turbulence because it will detract from focusing on the kids.

Alyson Jones, a therapist, educator and writer in Vancouver, agreed, sayingparents must show leadership.

"If you're drowning in your own emotions and you're not managing that, you're going to lose sight of how to lead your children," she said.

Resources available

The Canadian Bar Association has put together a toolkit calledSuccessfully Parenting Apart, whichprovides an updated approach to mediating divorce, custody and child support, saidPatricia Hebert, a lawyer and mediator.

She saidmany families have been negatively affected by separation and said the toolkit is designed to provide a list of resources about best practices in the post-divorce transition.

With files from the CBC's B.C. Almanac