Calgary cop turned writer offers tough love with child-raising insights

He's a former Calgary police officerturned school resource officerturned author, and by popular demand, he now has a book based on presentations he's made to students and their parents.

Dwayne Peace's Parenting with Eyes Wide Open is a deep dive into hot topics like self-harm, cannabis use and who owns that bedroom.

The father of five and grandfather of six shared some key points with The Homestretch.

This interview has been edited and paraphrased for clarity and length. You can listen to the complete interview here.

Q: Why did you want to write this book?

A: I didn't. I retired 15 years ago from the Calgary Police Service, and if you'd asked me three years ago, am I going to write a book, I would have told you absolutely not.

However, I've had a number of parents ask me after doing speaking engagements, "Do you have a book?" They said, "You need a book because we want to reference what you talk about after you're gone."

So here we are.

Q: What are some of the biggest mistakes parents can make these days?

A: Not acting on what they know they should, when the children are young.

I find a lot of the time when parents come to me, it's like, what you should have done is 10 or 15 years ago and now we're just doing damage control.

In some cases, the kids parent the parents.

If the child says "I don't want to be at school today," the parent says OK and signs them out, rather like "No, you're going to school today."

And so it starts young and then it grows and grows and grows.

For example, as a parent, you own the child's bedroom. You pay the mortgage so you have the right to go into that bedroom, but the kids have trained us, in some cases, that it's not.

Q: Let's talk about some of those other issues, let's pull them apart.

A: Vaping, unfortunately, there are not a lot of long-term studies out there to show the damage. But what we do know is, whether there's nicotine or not, it's doing damage to the lining of the lungs.

There's something out there called popcorn lungs where it's actually destroying segments of the lung, which is obviously going to hamper your breathing later on.

A study that came out in Alberta last year said the people that are vaping are twice as likely to start smoking cigarettes, so it's a vicious cycle.

We did such a great job on reducing tobacco use and all of a sudden the e-cigarette comes in and we've got issues.

Q: In some cases we are dealing with teenagers who are aware of the risks but are going to engage in the behaviour anyway. How do you reach those people?

A: You've got to get to them early, and I think it starts really young, when you are the parent and they look up to you.

You are their role model, so when you speak, they listen to you. I've had a lot of parents come up to me and say, "I hate you. I've been telling my kid this for the last five years."

So it really doesn't matter who delivers the message. The fact is, the kids get it.

When I talk to the students, it's real, it's straight up. I don't do fluff.

Q: What about cannabis, now that it's legal?

A: A lot of the students that I'm talking to, the attitude is, "Well, it's not a big deal, it's legal."

That is a concern of mine. Before, there were consequences, and now you just have to wait and there are no consequences.

I don't have a problem with CBD (cannabidiol), the medical quality. But the outright legalization, I think we're going to be paying for this for a long time and it's going to take a while before we even know.

I wish I could tell you what's going to happen when it gets to court, but I can't because we don't know what's going to happen.

If you're supplying cannabis to a minor, or if it's a minor to a minor, or you're in possession of more than what you should have we're not sure where it's going to go and we probably won't for the next three or four years.

Q: What about technology? Cellphones, tablets? What do you recommend for parents?

A: It's got to be in moderation. A lot of parents that I'm talking to, it's zero during meals.

Some of them are, after a certain time, it's nothing. It's family time or it's movies or it's homework or whatever, but it's none of the digital world there.

I love my iPhone and I wouldn't want to be without it but I'm in control of it. A lot of kids don't turn it off because that's their lifeline.

When I talk to them, I want them understand, "You need to be control of your phone. Turn it off when you're in a movie theater. Turn it off when you're at the table."

It's amazing how many students have their phones on in their bedrooms when they're sleeping.

Nothing is that important that somebody needs to contact you at 3 a.m. A lot of kids aren't getting sleep.

Q: What about self-harm? What should parents watch for?

A: The way I describe it is, they can't feel the pain so they need to see the pain. And so they do that. They need to find a release.

They go to bed and at 1 a.m., their mind starts going. It goes faster and faster and at 3 a.m., they get up, they self-harm and they can sleep.

For them it's a release. Some students say they don't need to do this, but it becomes a habit.We need to get them to the other side of the cycle and get them some help.

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With files from The Homestretch.