Matthew de Grood trial: Jordan Segura's mother speaks about the court process and starting over

For Patty Segura, sitting through the first-degree murder trial of Matthew de Groodthe man who stabbed her son Jordan and fourother young people to deathin 2014has been agonizing, absorbing and "a waste of time."

One of the sources of pain for Patty,who considers herself a highly private person,comes from having to hear the tormenting details of her son's death in such apublic setting.

"Since Jordan passed, I realized I've got to get a new life," she said. "This life is rotten, having this murder trial in it."

To counter the stress, Pattysaid she has hunkered down at home over the weekend, spending time alone, not even leaving the house to go to the grocery store.

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De Groodadmittedto killing Lawrence Hong, Joshua Hunter, Kaitlin Perras, Zackariah Rathwell and Jordan Segura at a house party in April 2014 but the issue at trial is his mental state at the time.

Two psychiatrists and a psychologist testified that de Grood was suffering schizophrenia-likesymptoms at the time of the killings and each gave the opinion that he should be found not criminally responsible (NCR).

"It's terrible.It's horrible," Patty said. "It's just a waste of time because it's quite obvious what happened so I don't know why we need to sit in court."

She saidit's not yet anappropriatetime to talk about the evidence that's come out or how she feels about de Grood likely being found NCR a designation that would see him sent to a secure psychiatric facility for treatment, rather than a prison.

"I might as well not put too much effort into my emotion around that now, because I have no control over what's happening in court," she said.

"I'm just a spectator.I'm just a member of the public, just like everybody else is there."

'He was my 24/7 since the day he was born'

Her main concern is making sure no one forgets why it took three courtrooms to accommodate all the people who wanted to attend the trial.

The victims.

But "victim"isn't how Patty,who raised both of her sons as a single mother,wants Jordan remembered.

"Everybody knows Jordan as a 22-year-old university student but that's not my Jordan," she said. "Jordan was my child; hewas my 24/7 since the day he was born."

The two were so close that Jordan got a tattoo of a heart with a banner across it that read "mom."

She said she and Jordan could talk about anything,from friends and teachersto "annoying" people at the bus stop.

'I have to go find a new life'

Last week, on the second day of the trial, the lawyers and judge allowed the parents, siblings and, in one case, a grandparent, to deliver tributes to the five victims.

When it was her turn to address the court,Patty spoke of one of the last family outings she had with Jordan and his brother:brunch at Diner Deluxe,capped off with a selfie of the trio afterward.

"I just cannot ever think that it'll have closure, really," she said. "Maybe some people can close the book and walk away,but Inever can."

"Jordan will always be gone. He'll never be home,so my life has changed forever. So, I just have to go find a new life, really."

Though she's described her life as "on hold" while the trial is ongoing, Patty said she will find a way to move on.

"I'm not going to carry it with me every day," said Segura. "I'll always have Jordan in my heart but I won't always have this legal stuff with me every day.I'll go find some happiness somewhere."

"I definitely have to be OK," she added. "No matter how hard I have to work at it,I have to be OK, because I know that Jordan would want me to."