With more kids in Ontario identifying as non-binary, parents and schools learn to adapt and support

When Parker, a seven-year-old who lives in central Hamilton, learned about the concept of being non-binary a gender identity that doesn't conform to exclusively male or female they say something immediately clicked.

"I was thinking of becoming a girl, and then I wanted to be both a boy and a girl and then I wanted to be they/them," says Parker, who is in Grade 2 and now identifies as non-binary.

Parker spoke to CBC with their parents' permission.CBC has agreed to withhold Parker's last name for their protection.

While Parker's parents say not all older peopleimmediately understand the concept, Parker says it was easy to tell their classmates and friends about the change last year. Most knew about gender and pronouns already, and many already knew other non-binary kids.

"I just said I wanted to be called they/them," Parker told CBC Hamilton earlier this week, adding, "the teachers respect me really good."

Amanda Worthington, founder of Hamilton groupQueer with Kids, says she's seeing an increase in kids who identify as non-binary across her networks, a shift confirmed by several parents of elementary school students who spoke with CBC Hamilton.

In the Guelph area, the number of elementary and high school students identifying as non-binary tripled between 2019 and 2022, going from0.9 per centto 3.5 per cent,according to a public health report.

In theHamilton-Wentworth District School Board's first and only student census, conducted in 2021, two per cent of students saidtheir gender identity wasnon-binary, two per cent were"questioning" and one per cent weregender fluid.

Worthington said she believes the increase she sees isa result of a generation of parents that is more "openly queer" and gender-diverse than the previous generation, which paves the way for kids to understand their options sooner in life.

"Our kids are taking that a step further and getting rid of the binary altogether," says Worthington, whose organization hosts events such as Saturday's Porch Pride.

"Gender is a spectrum, sexuality too, and I'm happy to see the younger generation embracing their identity at a younger age."

"I don't like when you call me 'boy'"

Stinson resident Robin Lacambra has two kids aged six and eightwho identify as non-binary, as does her partner and a housemate who lives with them. She says she started talking with her kids about gender after realizing she was often referring to them as her "boys," but hadn't asked them how they saw themselves.

She says her older child told her, 'I don't like when you call me 'boy.' Can you call me 'kid' or 'kiddo' or 'babe'?"

Lacambra, who identifies as queer, says she wasn't surprised, and worked to "make sure my eldest knew if there was something they were feeling ... I could be a person they could be weird and different with."

But while the home environment was a safe space, there were challenges at school. Lacambra says her eldest started getting bullied in the boys' bathroom. Their teacher offered access to a single-stall staff bathroom as a result, but there was no "fanfare" or sign announcing a new non-gendered bathroom, so her child felt weird being the only student using it, she said.

"I think my eldest appreciated the gesture but a part of them too was embarrassed about the accommodation," she said, noting her child has also faced anxiety about having to explain their pronouns to successive teachers and classmates. "Unfortunately, when it comes to being queer, we have to come out over and over again."

Shawn McKillop, spokesperson for HWDSB, says Hamilton public schools work to affirm students' stated gender identity, noting it is every student's right to learn in an environment free from discrimination and harassment.

"It is HWDSB's practice that if a child identifies as Two Spirit, transgender, non-binary, intersex, gender diverse and/or gender questioning, then we will support them," he wrote in an email Wednesday. "These supports could include having their name and pronouns used, accessing safer and more inclusive facilities and activities, and seeing themselves represented within the classroom and curriculum."

'This is not a choice, the correct pronoun will be used'

At east-end martial arts school Determination Martial Arts, respecting kids' gender identities is an ongoing practice, which starts with the safer-space policy on the door and continues in class, where participants are encouraged to share their pronouns whenever introducing themselves.

"We highlight that our bathrooms are for everyone.... We don't have communal change spaces.... We don't separate activities or classes into gender," owner Emily Kulpakaexplained in an email.

She said when someone uses the wrong pronouns for someone else, they are gently corrected. "If it continues, we ask the participant to leave the floor with us and we have a conversation about why the error keeps happening, and reiterate that this is not a choice, the correct pronoun will be used."

Parker, the Grade 2 student, says it means a lot when people respect their pronouns.

"It's very, very important," they said. "I am OK with it once or twice if they get it wrong, but if they get it wrong a third time I get kind of sad or mad."