First interactions bridge gap created by disability

For someone who is disabled, saying hello to another falls under a familiar category: Challenge.

Often the disabled person prepares to greet someone in their best way (sometimes that means smile and in other cases, nod) but the able-bodied, able-minded other turns away.

That makes both parties feel like they drank milk that might be sour; something was a little off.

We could have shaken hands, you know: Said hello, signalled peace; made a bet, a deal, a pact.

But how can I greet you, meet you; make peace, deals, bets and pacts if, when I extend my hand to find yours, grantedyou are even still there, my disability makes me look like I am having a seizure?

When I go out, I look at others who are looking at me. In my mind, I ask if I should be wherever I am. It is seconds before I know I stick out among the people. An apple in a bowl full of oranges.

But hey, theres someone that I know! I may not know them well, but lucky for me, they are looking my way.

Getting to them is a challenge, too; my disability prevents me from being fluid and smooth. I know making a good impression is key for ensuring that this conversation goes well.

I extend my hand, try to say hello and my worst fears come to fruition: My arm wont be steady and my fingers wont be straight. So I think to myself okay, I can get through this if I speak the word hello well. My mouth makes me sound like its still frozen from being at the dentist.

The acquaintance stares and then leaves me alone, and it hurts.

I am not quite sure how to act. As someone with a disability, I lose self-confidence that I am not certain I had in the first place.

Now I am a person with a disability speaking at a town hall meeting.

As I enter the building, I think a ton of thoughts.

I have lots to say in my mind but when I speak, are the words going to come out the way I want them to? I know that I can speak well and I know what I want to get across, but how will people receive it? The evening is going to be a long one.

As I open my mouth to talk, my speech abandons me and I sound like a zombie. Fear rises and my face turns red. I see that look on peoples faces: Look at the nice disabled boy, trying so hard. They think Im crazy and dumb.

So Ive learned that people think if someone doesnt look or speak the way our culture is accustomed to, saying hello might not be appropriate. But why? The disabled deserve recognition.

But in the same way an able-bodied, able-minded person may not be comfortable saying hi to someone with a disability, someone with a disability may not be comfortable saying hello, either. Talking can be very hard, especially if one did not expect they would be in a situation where it would be required of them.

So how do we fix this?

If you see that the person you are talking with is having trouble, just give them a few moments to collect themselves and everything should work out. People with disabilities are not scary and they are not weird.

But before that, say hello or shake their hand. Gesture to them in a way you feel is right. But dont think youre doing them a favour; just be normal. Believe it or not, we are all normal inside and a smile, and especially a handshake, can go on for thousands of miles.

Alex Lytwyn, 28, lives with cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair, but he has not felt limited by his disability. He graduated from Assiniboine Community College in Brandon, Man., and has written two books in the past three years.