Winnipeg queer community needs more from straight allies than random acts of kindness

In the wake of the Orlando tragedy, it's time to thoughtfully reconsider how straight allies of the Winnipeg queer community can create change and foster acceptance within our community.

The queer community is yearning for straight allies to spring into action. In a recent CBC opinion column, Joanne Seiff encouraged seizing the moment to promote holding doors open and other random acts of kindness. In the aftermath of this hate crime, her suggestion falls short.

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The queer community faces specific problems that can only be solved with conscious and directed actions for there to be any hope of ending acts such as the Pulse nightclub shooting on June 12 that killed 49 queer people, most of them queer people of colour, in Florida.

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Hatred and discrimination toward the LGBT community still thrives in Manitoba, as the Winnipeg Dyke March shared in a recent Facebook post describing a physical and verbal assault by a driver of a passing vehicle during the Pride Week event.

The discourse from political leaders in the lead up to Steinbach's first Pride march on July 9 is far from showing acceptance of our community. It's easy to see Manitoba still has a large number of regressive voices out there.

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In less obvious cases, queer people are regularly told through micro-aggressions that our existence makes others uncomfortable. For example, while in a public bathroom, a masculine-presenting female friend of mine was told by a woman in the bathroom that she was uncomfortable with my friend's presence.

Through the actions of others, the safety of queer women and non-binary genders is often threatened while showing even minor levels of affection in public, such as holding hands. We are told through unwelcome gazes, harassment and rude gestures that our affection is for the salacious pleasure of others.

These are only a few examples of why we need you, straight allies, to reflect on your allyship and begin making thoughtful changes in your behaviour throughout the year. It is unfair and offensive to us as a community to don rainbow outfits during Pride parades, while the next day keeping silent as those around you continue to spew homophobic vitriol.

We need more than your general sense of kindness. We need targeted, direct action in support of our community.

Step 1: Listen

When was the last time you checked in with a queer friend to ask how they were doing post-Orlando? When was the last time you asked the community how you can help us feel increased safety in our daily lives? These questions are welcome and should be asked regularly.

Activism for the queer community should be led by the wishes of the queer community. Activism for the community of queer people of colour should be led by the wishes of queer people of colour.

It may be 2016, but when our community fears death in the safe spaces we have built for ourselves, we still have a long, long way to go.- Katy MacKinnon

When we are sharing our experiences as queer people in a heterosexual-oriented world, please listen without judgment. When you are confused about the correct terms or pronouns, ask. When we share, listen.

Recognize that queer people of colour face additional challenges, and consider how you can work to abolish those challenges and foster acceptance of all queer and ethnic identities.

When queer people vocally assert the discrimination that still exists toward our community, in our workplaces and in our schools, listen. Ask how you can be of service before running out into your neighbourhood to perform random acts of kindness. Reflect on how that impulse to help could be better channelled through the affected community itself.

Step 2: Show up

Through good times and bad, show up for the queer community. We're overjoyed to see straight allies at the Pride parade, whether on the sidelines or joining us in the parade. Just remember that this is our march, not yours. Allow us to experience the spotlight and the pride we rarely get to embrace so publicly.

When community organizations in Winnipeg hold vigils for crimes that occur against the LGBT community, show up. Take part in the vigil, and show us you care through the hard times, too.

We don't need your "thoughts and prayers" tweets and Facebook statuses as the be-all, end-all to your condolences.

We need to see your physical presence joining us in sorrow as well as in celebration.

Step 3: Be a voice when we can't use ours

It's not always safe for queer people to speak up, defend ourselves and stand up for others in the community. As straight allies, you have a valuable opportunity to engage in conversation with friends and family when it may not be safe for us to do so.

Every single time we discuss issues facing us as a community, we risk our jobs, our lives, our families, our partners and our homes. Even though discrimination against gender identity and sexual orientation is now written into the Human Rights Code, it still occurs in sneaky ways that skirt laws and remain invisible to the casual observer.

Ask us how you can help, listen to our response, then act. What is often neglected by those who say they stand behind our community is the first three letters of the word "activism" act.

It may be 2016, but when our community fears death in the safe spaces we have built for ourselves, we still have a long, long way to go.

Katy MacKinnon is a Winnipeg writer and photographer.