'Like I died with him': A murder victim's mother on grief, trauma and life after death

On Feb. 8, 2017, BryerPrysiazniuk-Setteewas shot twice in the chest at a North End Winnipeg home and turned up dead in the snow blocks away. He was just 24 at the time.

In October 2018, a jury convicted another man of second-degree murder in connection with the homicide.

But for BryerPrysiazniuk-Settee's mother, Gina Settee, finding closureis a daily struggle. In February 2019, she planned ahealing feast to honour her son.

Here, in her own words, Gina Settee shares what it's like to live in the aftermath of homicide, without the son who was taken away.

When the homicide police contacted me onthe day of the shooting, my whole being suffered the biggest loss of my life.

When theydelivered their news, Istarted to punch myself in the face and threw myself down,to see if what I was hearing was real. And each time I did something to myself, it was very real.

Istarted to scream so loudthat my kids said it sounded like I died with him. I scared them,because as Iwas screaming and crying with my every ounce of being,I was holding my breath without realizing I was screaming.

I heard he didn't have his shoes on, and that he was found in the snow. In that moment, he was probably screaming out for me.- Gina Settee

My every feeling in my whole being had just been shattered to pieces. Icouldn't comprehend that my son was dead.

My reactions have been,to date:

I would think about the fact that I heard he didn't have his shoes on, and that he was found in the snow. It made me feel that in that moment, he was probably screaming out for me or his siblings.

I used to think that he was alive for a while before the bullets took his life. So I used to torment myself right up to the day of courtbeating myself up for not knowing he was in the hospital, with no one there with him.

However, with that being said, no one contacted me till threein the afternoon long after he died.

The part of not knowing that Iwas just seven streets over from where my son lay in the snowkills me each and every day that Itake that next breath.

On Jan. 2, 2018, I pulled myself together and went into a treatment centre.Ihad to take time off both my jobs to go into treatment,but both employerswere on board with me.

A start to healing

While in treatment, I got to open myself to the elders through ceremony,and it was a start to my healing journey because now that I have allowed those feelings to surface, Ihave to deal with a whole new level of what was taken from Bryer.

Like the fact that Bryer had just graduated with his crane operator's ticket, which would have led him to a bright future with his love of his life (who is very much active in my life today).

Like the fact thatwe both struggle that he wasn't given a chance to have children his whole livelihood was taken from him.

He had big dreams and visions that he foresawin his futureand all of that was taken fromhim.

I can't lose another child to these awful streets of Winnipeg.- Gina Settee

He was a jewel that was a huge part of our family, and we all kept each other glued together.Nowmy children and I have to find the glue to keep the rest of us together.

That's because when I fell, Ifell hard, and my kids told me they were not gonna sit back and watch me kill myself. I wouldn't take any advice from them, for Ihad it set in my mind that I couldn't live with the fact of losing my son.

No mother should ever have to bury one of her children especially from the hands of a callous person who really has no visible emotion aboutwhat he did.

Seeking support

I'm now looking for counselling for myself,because I have been diagnosed with PTSD from my son's death. Ihave a whole new level of anxiety and panic, and my living children suffer from it too, when Igo into these modes.

When I don't hear from my children (who are adults),I'm calling the police, fire and paramedics to report my kids missing or to get help to locate them.

I have completely lost my whole sense of letting them live and be the adults they are,because I can't (or won't) lose another child to these awful streets of Winnipeg.

There is so much more I can say, but Ihope this gives youa little bit of what I go through on a daily basis.

My life has forever changed, and so haveBryer's siblings.

We all have to learn to live without him here physically,and we are lost without him.Each day Isee it in every one of my kids and myself.

We miss him dearly and we love him with all of our hearts.

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