'This is the real me': Former Moncton sex workers help women still on the streets

They may be the most harshly judged of anyone in the city.

More so than homeless people who beg for moneyor mothers who neglecttheir children.

Sex workers who sell their services on street corners say they are seen by others as the lowest of the low.

"It is the most humiliating, most disgusting, most vulnerable time that I've ever had in my life," said Wendy, who spent the better part of two years working at the corner of St. George and Botsford streets in Moncton.

CBC News has agreed not to use her full name, because Wendyfears retribution fromthe man she says forced her onto the streets to repay a debt.

We're judged by the men that pick us up, and then we're judged by the surrounding businesses that watch us there, and then we're judged by the residents in that neighbourhood as well.- Wendy

It was not something she ever dreamed she would begin doing at the age of 50, but a heroinaddictionchanged the course of her "normal" life.

"I had the house, the white fence and the 2.5 kids you know I was the all-American family ...and that was just a few short years ago, and then here I washomeless and standing on a street corner."

During the years she was on the streets, Wendyfelt the disapproval and admonishment of the rest of the world.

"Every second of every minute," she said. "We're judged by the men that pick us up, and then we're judged by the surrounding businesses that watch us there, and then we're judged by the residents in that neighbourhood as well."

Centre offers 'glimmer of hope'

Wendy hopes a new Connection Centre for sex workers, whichis expected to open next monthin downtown Moncton, will be the antidote to that judgment and an avenue for those who want to leave the sex industry.

She, along with former sex worker Michelle Geldart, plans tovolunteer and be a mentor to womenand girls wanting to escape from the streets for a few hours, or forever.

Geldartsees the new connection centre as "a place of refuge, a place of resources, a place of hope" for those in the sex trade who need a hot meal, a shower or an understandingear.

"There wouldn't be any pressure of drug dealers being around or any kind of threatening situations," she said, comparing the centre to the shelters or rooming houses where many prostitutes live.

You don't see too much good going around in the world so you stay stuck and you accept the fact that you'rethereand that you might even end up dying in that life.- Michelle Geldart

Staff and volunteers will also connect these women and girlswith housing, addiction and mental health supports and services.

Wendy expects a bigpart of her job at the new centre will be to listen to the sex workers who are in the same position she was just a year ago.

Her goal is to let them know, "It's OK to be who you are, while you're learning who you can be."

• New Moncton centre for sex workers only one of its kind in New Brunswick

She explains it's not about "saving them," but about helping them when they are ready.

"To put my story out there and to give a little glimmer of hope to one of the other girls, to say that, 'Oh my God if Wendy can do it then Jesus maybe I can do it too.'"

'You feel like you're stuck, that there is noway out'

Geldart, who isa member of Moncton's Sex Workers Action Group, or SWAG, and a volunteer at the YWCA, will also share herstory with the women and girls she meets at the new centre.

Now 48, she was forced into prostitution at the age of 14 and spent nearly 30 years "trapped" in a worldshe didn't know how to get out of.

When it is the only life you know, and when the money comes quickly, finding the path to a new life is almost impossible, she said.

Each door that closed made me feel like there's no point in trying. Like they're not going to help me.- Michelle Geldart

Geldart, who jokes that she could write a book that would shock most people,has earned as much as $500 an hour in upscale hotels and worked for less than$20 on the streets.

Shehas lived in basements, where she was one of eight women who would parade past potential clients, dressed in stiletto heels and lingerie, waiting for a john to make his choice.

"You kind of feel hopeless, you kind of feel powerless," she said. "You feel like you're stuck, that there is noway out."

Geldartsaid she was moved to a new home in a new city every two to three weeks.

"You don't see too much good going around in the world, so you stay stuck and you accept the fact that you'rethereand that you might even end up dying in that life."

No comparison between old life and new

Both women said there is no way to compare their lives then and now.

Geldartweighed just 93pounds and had a shaved head, while Wendy remembers being103 pounds and "strung right out."

Theycredit outreach workers at the Moncton YWCA and Crossroads for Women with helping them to find safe, affordable housing, and then the addiction and mental health supports they needed to leave the sex trade.

On the wall next to Wendy's closet is a sign that reads, "I am worthy."

Inside the closet, is evidence of her two very different lives the everyday clothes she wears now hang next to the dresses she wore when she worked on the streets.

"The shorter the better, of course," she said with a laugh, holding up a sparkly blue dress."This was my money maker it's shorter than a tutu the figure skaters wear, right? Thathas been requested by many."

Wendy and Geldart said that even after you get out, thepull to go back to the sex trade can be strong.

You become friends with the other women who work on the streets, and you can earn money quickly for groceries or Christmas presents for your children, or to feed your habits.

"Issues came into play such as drug addiction and alcoholism which kept me in that situation for many years to come," Geldart said.

"In and out, in and out, in and out and always trying to find help for what I had gone through but never really finding the help that I needed."

They don't know they deserve better

Geldartwas molested at the age of sevenand said the trauma, and a lack ofcounselling, led her to a life of addiction, mental health problems and sex work.

When she tried to find support on her own, she said, it was "one step ahead and two steps back," in part because everything is under a different roof, and there are so many "hoops to jump through."

"Each door that closed made me feel like there's no point in trying. Like they're not going to help me."

Even though most people don't talk openly about it,Geldartwants sex workers to know that she isn't the only one who has "survived the sex trade," and that they have skills that could help them start a new life.

"I learned how to listen to clients, to build rapport, to create repeat business," Geldart said. "I learned money management, I learned how to negotiate there's a lot of transferrable skills that I have now placed into my life from that life."

Had there been a connection centre like the one that's set to open in Moncton, she believes she would have gotten out of the sex trademuch sooner.

"A lot of things could have been different for me," Geldart said.

"We just have to let them know that there is life beyond andthey are just like everyone else and they deserve it," agreed Wendy.

She said the reality is that many women and girls think prostitution is their only option.

"I was talking to a girl not long ago that said, 'You know, if I was a guy I'd be a hard-core drug dealer, but I'm a woman so I'm using what I've got.' It's pretty bad when a woman has to think that that's the only way she can get by in life."

Peer support unique

Wendy and Geldarthave known one another for years. Their timeon the streets of Monctonas sex workers overlapped, and they have become friends, working as volunteers and mentors.

Throughout the interview, Wendyis matter-of-fact about herdecisions and her life, but when she talks about Geldart,she is emotional.

I feel as though I walked into the light so why would I ever turn around and walk back to the dark.- Michelle Geldart

"You see me now and this is the real me when I was in [the sex trade] I didn't think I was as bad as I was, but I know how bad she was,"Wendysaidthrough tears.

"I know everything that she went through and it warms my heartto see where she is now, you know and what she was able to overcome."

This is the kind of support that Wendysaid women and girls working as prostitutes, who may not think they deserve a better life, will be able to find at the new centre.

"That's what's going to happen at the centre is that I'm going to be just as emotional as I am right now for the girls thatare still out here, and I think for thegirlsto be able to see that, they're goingto realize that somebody cares."

Geldart said she no longer feels a pull to her old life. She receives messages every day from people she has helped and from those who have helped her.

"I feel as though I walked into the light, so why would I ever turn around and walk back to the dark."