Cold Turkey: Staying away from cigarettes is hard

I made it through Week One without cigarettes. Like any bad breakup, there have been ups and downs. But I'm getting up every morning and going to bed every night without putting a Du Maurier to my lips.

I was confident that when I made the decision to give up the smokes, that this would really be the end of it.

What I didn't know was how hard this is.

Like a bad breakup, on some days, quitting smoking is kicking my arse.

An emotional smoker

I don't ever wake up wanting a cigarette - just the thought of one first thing in the morning makes me sick. I don't get in the car and immediately feel the urge to light up. And unless I eat an incredibly big meal and feel like I'm going to explode, I don't mind not having one after I eat.

I like to accompany my dialogue with smoking.- Carla Crotty

I'm an emotional smoker, not a habitual one. So how I'm feeling dictates the most whether or not I need a cigarette. Whether I've been aggravated to no end by someone, or I've had an amazing day at work and am elated to tell someone, I like to accompany my dialogue with smoking.

It's daily stress and agitation combined with my inability to have a cigarette, that, at times, really feels like it's going to be the end of me.

Alternatives

So instead of lighting up, I punch things - car dashboards and my closet door have both felt the wrath of my fists in the last few days.

Instead of taking a deep inhale of tobacco smoke, I cry.

The punching and crying both give a little satisfaction, I have to say.

So. those are the bad moments. But happy moments can be just as challenging.

There's nothing better than lighting up a cigarette with my best friend and telling her all about my awesome day at my new job! Except she hasn't hasn't smoked in months, and now I don't either.

So instead, we talk the happy news for a few minutes and then I complain to her for the next half hour about how dreadful my life is because I've decided to not smoke.

My blogging has taken off, and I love being able to chat about all of the wonderfulfeedback I've gotten, and how many people I've inspired or motivated by simply being me.

But even those moments are overshadowed by that nagging urge for a cigarette.

Should I do this now?

Some friends and family are asking if now is really the best time to quit smoking. I've been asking that myself. I'm in the middle of an uphill battle with depression and anxiety, I just ended an important relationship, and I have financial stress.

But really, there isno good time. I'll likely always suffer from depression and anxiety from time to time. I'll always have an excuse for not being able to quit.

I should just as well lump in quitting smoking with the other stresses and deal with it.

Getting through it

And I amdealing. There are at least one or two moments every day when I want a cigarette. Days three, four and five were the worst. I wanted to murder someone, I was so on edge.

But instead of getting all murdery, I cried, punched and yelled. I stayed busy with my new job and my writing. I stuffed my face with candy. My kids have now hidden what's left of their Halloween treats.

I talked to my family, and friends. Their support has saved me from giving in more than a couple of times.

Through the power of social media, I've been lucky enough to have so many people share their stories with me. Any goal we set out to achieve seem much more reachable when you hear that others have done it.

I've made it this far without caving in, and I am proud.

Challenging times ahead

The next few weeks will be tough, I know I still have a long way to go.

For now though, I need to get some breakfast. My stomach is yelling at me.

I'm not used to feeling like I'm starving morning noon and night. I'm not sure I enjoy it. But craving a Sausage McMuffin all day, every day, is certainly better than craving a Du Maurier.