Long-term marriage torn apart by long-term care, says family

A Newfoundland couple married for nearly 60 years is fighting to live together in the same nursing home, but for now they're in separate facilities on different sides of the island.

Douglas Parrell, 87, resides in a Level 1 facility in Flower's Cove on theNorthern Peninsula.

His 89-year-old wife, Virtue, is in a Level 3 bed at Glenbrook Lodge in St. John's.

We have notes from staff telling them [Eastern Health] how distressed she is, how her health is deteriorating.- Virginia Parrell

Their daughter-in-law Virginia Parrellsaid Fridaythe couple doesn't understand why they can't be together.

"We visit my mother-in-law every night," said Parrell."We're hearing the same thing over and over.She's keeping on about her husband."

Parrellsaid Eastern Health has offered to look at moving her father-in-law into a Level 1 bed in the St. John's area so he could be closer to his wife.

But that would be "very tough" on him, she said, because his legs are bad.

"Just going from the house to the car, he gets tired.It would be just too hard."

'They could have made this happen'

Virtue Parrell was moved to Glenbrook Lodge in August, after being assessed for dementia.

Her family said her health has gone downhill since then.

"We have notes from staff telling them [Eastern Health] how distressed she is, how her health is deteriorating," said Virginia Parrell.

According to Parrell, a bed in her mother-in-law's room at Glenbrook Lodge was vacant for 85 daysand the family believed Douglas would be moved there under aspousal admittance policy.

However, she said another patient was transferred from a Level 3 bed in Clarke's Beach instead.

Eastern Health keeps saying her father-in-law is on the spousal admittance list,but there are other people ahead of him, said Parrell.

"We as a family feel they could have made this happen."

No strict rules

"This family is desperate," said the health critic for the New Democratic Party, Lorraine Michael, who is advocating for the Parrells.

Michael said health authorities are not doing enough to keep couples together in long-term care.

"I think the flexibility has to be there. They have to build it into the system," she said.

"They're paying lip service to care of our seniors."

Michael said there are no "strict rules" for spousal admissions andshe knows of only a couplecases where it has happened.

"I know of cases one in particular where it was a social worker pushing inside, to make the decision."

Michael said she wrote the health ministerFeb. 12 askinghim to intervene, but said she has heard nothing since.

Policy based on 'need for care'

In an email to CBC Friday, Eastern Health said "its long-term care placement policies are based on greatest need for care," and said spousal admissions are made "in exceptional circumstances."

The health authority said couples are not usually placed into two different homes. "However there is often a wait time before they can be reunited due to the demand for urgent admissions to long-term care."

It said the requirement of a person for protective care [i.e. dementia patients] also have to be considered.

Eastern Health said it does not track the number of spouses living together in long-term care facilities.