The salmon diaries: Notes from a particular cabinet minister's journal

Monday, Sept. 2

Dear Diary,

Weird call from the fish farm.

Appears a few salmon have gone belly up. Poached in their pens is theword. That's some hot water I'd like to stay out of. Once Dwight is gone and I'm premier first thing I'mdoing is making Andrew Parsons minister of fisheries.

Thursday, Sept. 26

Back in St. John's from the district. It was easier flying back and forth to Ottawa than driving thathighway. Eddie Joyce passed me just east of Gander doing around 160.

Maniac.

Tuesday,Oct. 1

Team Trudeau don't grasp the gritty realities of trade and commerce like we did.

I keep waiting forJustin to peel off a mask and reveal he was Niki Ashton all along. Why would they phase out salmonfarming in British Columbia just when wild Pacific salmon stocks are disappearing? We'll take that actionin Newfoundland, thank you very much. I'm calling the media and announcing we are surrounded bywater and open for business.

Monday,Oct. 7

These leaders' debates are so pointless. If no one fumbles badly then it's a wash. Jagmeet exceededexpectations so I'd probably give it to him. A turban can be fetching but I don't think it's a look I couldcarry.

Max Bernier, what a loon.

Tuesday,Oct. 8

On The Broadcast again. I don't think Jane Adey likes me.Why all these hostile questions?

Aquaculture is a no-brainer here. What else are you going to do in Belleoram aerospace?Has anythingland-basedever worked in Newfoundland and Labrador?

People are always going on and on aboutNorway, how the Norwegians get it right everywhere we get it wrong, but a Norwegian company comesover here and it's "Why aren't they doing it in Norway?" When the answer is obviously gonna have toget the comms teams on that.

Wednesday, Oct. 9

Northern Harvest Sea Farms weren't straight with me.

There are a few million dead salmon in FortuneBay. Warm water? That's a friggin' boil up. The thought of it turns me. I was led to believe we weretalking about scooping a few guppies out of the aquarium, now they are telling me its tonnage.Norwegians!

And the video? All that pink froth blowing out of the hoses? Like a youngster yucking up the cottoncandy after one too many turns on the Tilt-A-Whirl. These aquaculture dudes have worse messagemanagement skills than Nalcor.

I can't go salmon anymore, sticking to the fish sticks from here on in.

Thursday, Oct. 17

Call out to all good Liberals to stump for Nick Whalen who is apparently in trouble in the Soviet SocialistRepublic of St. John's East. Nick's problem is using too many big words. That'll kill you at the doors.

Friday, Oct. 18

Another call from the CBC St. John's newsroom.

"Ignore!"

Bloody Ceeb. Pain in the ass. What is thepoint, nobody watches it since Netflix.

Netflix and chill, CBC take a pill.

Chrtien should have shut theplace down altogether, the cuts only made them bitter. Not sure why Justin topped up their budget.They're helpful during an election but they'll always betray you in the end.Going to pick up a few burner phones and drive back to Corner Brook. Too much media aggravation inSin Jahns.

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Monday, Oct. 21

I don't need to stay up until the B.C. polls report, seeing the 905 results tells me it's a Liberal minority.Thank you, Doug Ford.

Bloc is going to extort everything it can. No way Newfoundland is getting a newequalization deal any time soon. Do I really want to be the premier that files for bankruptcy?

NextFederal election's only two years out, sooner if Justin keeps the staff that blew the first term. I'll talk toSeamus about getting Gudie something. Anybody can be Ambassador to Ireland. Time is right to begetting back in the federal game. Justin can't be long for the job.

"Prime Minister Gerry Byrne."I likethe sound of it.

Gerry don't fight the contest he can't win. Back to French immersion I guess.

Attention,Trois-Pistoles, c'est le temps de Gerry!

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