Parents expecting 'rainbow babies' find support with PALS

They're called rainbow babies children born to couples who have previously lost a child.

As the name suggests, getting pregnant again after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a newbornis a time when grief and joy co-exist, likesunshine and rainat the same time.

Until now there had been little formal support for parents in Ottawa going on that emotional journey, but starting Wednesday,Roger Neilson House will hosta monthly support groupforparents in their bereavement programwho are going through a rainbow pregnancy.

Carol Chevalier, a pediatric palliative care social worker at Roger Neilson House and CHEO, told CBCRadio's Ottawa Morningthat when families become pregnant after a perinatal or prenatalloss, anxieties often increase.

"There's a presumption ... that when a family becomes pregnant again, that everything's fixed, and that now they are able to be afforded happiness," she said.

"But the reality is that they will continue to mourn and grieve their lost child over the course of a lifetime. So many different feelings can come about, such as guilt, worry that this will happen again, worries that if they do something incorrectly during their pregnancy, that something bad could happen."

'A complexity of emotions'

Rachel Samulack, one of the mothers whose experiencehelped inform the new support group, lost her son Aaron two years ago on the day he was born. An ultrasound earlier in the pregnancy revealed hehad no kidneys.

"It wasn't even a month after he had passed away and someone said, 'Oh, you'll have another baby,'" Samulack recalled."We would never say that to someone who has lost a mother ... but somehow we think it's acceptable to say, "Oh, you'll have another baby,' and that will fix it."

Samulackalso sufferedan early-stage miscarriage this past November.

"That was the first time we had decided to try again, and so that was very challenging. We thought, OK, we'll go for this again and it'll all work out perfectly, and so after that loss it was like, OK, our plan is shot again."

Since getting pregnant again Samulack is due in October she andher and her partner have been on an emotional roller-coaster.

"It's a complexity of emotions,"she said.

During the 20-week ultrasound, when the technician told hereverything appeared fine, Samulack "just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, because for me it was terrifying that we would go in and get the same diagnosis [as Aaron] again," she said.

"You don't want to get your heart broken again."

'A very safe place'

Chevalier said parents like Samulackrequire specialized support.

"Research really speaks to the fact that families who have lost an infant are just as traumatized as a family who loses an older-age child," she said.

"The support group [is] a very safe place for them to be and a place where they are understood, where they can share their emotions with honesty, as complicated as they are, and know that they won't be judged."

The Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS)group isa pilot program for now, open to families already registered in Roger NielsonHouse's bereavement program. Drop-ins take place once a month, facilitated by two registered social workers.

Chevalier said they need to test and validate the model before opening it up to the public.