The Butler Is in: Thanksgiving tips for being a good guest

The Butler Is In. CBC P.E.I.'s own certified protocol and etiquette consultant, John Robertson, guides us through how to do things the right way. Robertson resides part of the year in Murray Harbour, and is a professionally-trained English butler.

This week, Robertson has some advice about one of the most important meals of the year, Thanksgiving dinner, and how you can be the perfect guest if you are invited to someone's traditional feast.

1. Bring something, but bring the right thing

Robertson says you should speak to the host when you are invited. "Can you bring anything? You may be very surprised that they are very specific, telling you something to bring food-wise, bring a pumpkin pie, etc. But unless you've agreed on this in advance, not a great idea to take a food item like a pie, that will probably never make it to the table." If you need a host gift and haven't been asked for anything in particular, just choose from the usuals:arranged flowers, chocolates, a bottle of wine is good at Thanksgiving..

2. Dress Code

It's always good to make sure. Not everyone sits around in their sweatpants afterward. "Thanksgiving dinner's not going to be formal, but a lot of work and effort goes into it. And if they say it's casual, it still doesn't mean wear jeans and a T-shirt. Make an effort.

3. Say hello to Grandmama

Just like the Royal Family, there's a hierarchy and protocol to follow for guests "It's a family event, so you can expect to meet other members of your host's family, especially senior members, parents, grandparents, etc. So remember the senior lady outranks everyone, and some appropriate deference is due. So make sure you greet her, introduce yourself if you don't know her, spend some time with the senior lady at the party."

4. Let's eat

Don't dig in right away. Every family has rules and traditions about their special table, and there's an easy way to find out what they are. "Follow your hostesses lead. When she asks everyone to move to the dining room, it's not time to refresh your glass," Robertson advises. "Remember there's probably going to be grace said, so resist the temptation to start eating anything, like if there's bread on the table. And a great guest will have a grace all ready to say, in case the honour falls to you."

5. I hate beets

You may not like some of the food that's been prepared, but remember, a lot of work went into it. "Many of the dishes will be old family favourites, and all of them will have been made by someone at the table. So do try some of everything that is at the table, even if it has little marshmallows in it."

6. No electronics

This is becoming important advice for almost every social occasion. "For this hour or two, consider that everyone that is actually important in your life is sitting at the table with you. So please, put away the cellphones. Don't be snapping pictures and putting them on Facebook," said Robertson. "And it's not just the young people I have to tell this to, or whose memories I refresh. I've seen grandmothers glued to their phones at dinner. And it isn't pretty."

7. No fighting, kids

There's nothing like a family feud flaring up at the table. You don't want to be the cause of it, so follow all the etiquette rules, and think before you speak. "Just don't be drawn into an argument. And staying sober is a big help," said Robertson. "Best to avoid the politics and religion and all the other no-no's."

8. Here's your coat, what's your hurry?

Know when to go. "Thanksgiving dinner is usually an afternoon affair. You're not expected to settle in for the evening and enjoy the football. If your hostess makes some comments like 'It's been such a lovely day, and I'm so glad you could join us,' that's a hint."

So those are some easy hints that will help make sure the day is fine, and aside from the marshmallow salad, all will go down well.

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