The different seasons and meanings of 'I love you': advice from a relationship columnist

The meaning behind those three all-important little words "I love you" may changefor couples over time, and that's a good thing says CBC relationship columnist Stacey MacKinnon.

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Most people worry too much when they see newly-in-love couples and start comparing their own relationship to theirs, MacKinnon said.

If that love is a real feeling and a real choice that we are making, then that love is strong.StaceyMacKinnon

But they forget that in the early stages of every partnership, saying "I love you" is connected to feelings of wonder and newness, and a sense of attraction.

"But when we get older and we've been in a relationship for a lot longer, that sense of 'I love you' takes somewhat of a deeper meaning, a more grounded meaning," she toldCBC Radio: Mainstreet P.E.I. on Valentine's Day.

Difficult times can strengthen a partnership

Somepeople in long-term relationships can still feel that sense of wonder and attraction towards their partner, MacKinnon said, but often over time, couples go throughdifficult or even catastrophic times where love may have taken a back seat for a while.

When these couple say "I love you" after being together for many years, MacKinnon said, the words comewith a sense of respect andtrust, and often valueof the other person'scontributionto the relationshipand their partner.

"It's grown to encompass more, not less, but more characteristics of an individual, more characteristics of a happy life together, and a life that's been spent working through the waves we experience in day-to-day living," she said.

That's why people should not compare themselves to newly-in-love couples and worry about rediscovering that sense of wonder, she advised

Instead, they should consider what is really important for moving a relationship forward.

"The reality is that if that love is a real feeling and a real choice that we are making, then that love is strong and can become stronger even if things aren't looking so good," she said.

Stacey MacKinnonteaches in the psychology faculty at UPEI.

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