She learned to embrace her neurodiversity, but not soon enough - Action News
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SaskatchewanCreator Network Video

She learned to embrace her neurodiversity, but not soon enough

When Jenalene Antony listens to music, she sees colour. She has synesthesia, which means one sense overlaps with another.

Jenalene Antony says her synesthesia was misunderstood in school and workplaces, so she hid it

Jenalene Antony shares her journey as a person with synesthesia. She sees colour when she hears music.

1 year ago
Duration 4:00
In this short film for the CBC Creator Network, Jenalene Antony shares her journey as a person living with synesthesia, a perceptual phenomenon where one sense overlaps with another. In her case, she sees colour when she hears music.

This story was originally published on April 21, 2022.

CBC Saskatchewan's Creator Networkis a place where young digital storytellers from diverse backgrounds can produce original video content to air on CBC and tell stories through their own lens. Get in touch or pitch your own storyhere.


When Jenalene Antony listens to music, she sees colour.

She has synesthesia, which means one sense overlaps with another. In her case, certain musical notes are associated with specific colours in her mind.

Studies have shownabout four per cent of the general population hassome form of synesthesia, with auditory and visual being the most common forms.

Antony says growing up in rural Saskatchewan, she was asked to think and act differently, and be more "normal."

She says it waslike being asked to swim underwater like a fish, without being able tobreathe.

Jenalene Antony behind a goldfish in a bowl.
Jenalene Antony always felt like a fish out of water growing up. (Jenalene Antony)

Antony's grandparents spoke Ukrainian around the family. She says whenshe heard the language she thought it was beautiful, but she realized her language was in colour.

In high school, Antony was told she was a problem hard to manage and too creative. She was disciplined for being different, instead of being seen as unique and talented.

She says she was bullied and singled out, like many students who didn't fit in.

That experience taught her to hide her true self, cover up her creativity,tune out her ability to hear in colourand make herself quiet.

Jenalene Antony sees colour when she listens to music. She finally learned to embrace her
Jenalene Antony sees colour when she listens to music. She finally learned to embrace her 'superpower' after years of trying to mute it. (Jenalene Antony)

The difficulties continued as a young professional. Antonystruggled to navigate the world as a creative person.

She says she wasasked to think and communicate in a standardized way at the office. She says a boss once yelled at her for more than an hour, leaving her exhausted and depressed.

In that moment, everything around her turned grey. After years of repression, she had lost her sense of self.

She says she began to grieve, and realized that some of her relationships were built on a heavily censored version of who she really was.

That's when she says she decided the was tired of trying to fit into a mould.

Antony says she now realizes having synesthesia is a strength, not something she should repress.
Antony says she now realizes having synesthesia is a strength, not something she should repress. (Jenalene Antony)

Something had to change

To lift her spirits, Antonybought a cello from a local shop. She started to play the instrument, and with each draw of the bow, a different colour emerged.

Eventually, a flood of colours released, resonatingagainst her body as she played the deep low notes.

The experience allowed her to finally feel like her herself, without censorship. She vowed to never hide her true colours again.

Jenalene Antony plays a cello in the forest in her short film for CBC's Creator Network. She says when she hears the music, she sees colour.
Jenalene Antony plays a cello in the forest in her short film for CBC's Creator Network. She says when she hears the music, she sees colour. (Jenalene Antony)

As an adult, Antony became aware of theneurodiversity movement.

It celebrates people who think differentlyand helps remove the stigma surrounding neurological differences. It ledAntony to realize there is not one kind of "normal" or "healthy" brain, or way of thinking.

She says she's finally learning to embrace her senses, and explore the incredible landscape of colour that she sees and hears. She says it's like breathing again after holding her breath for a long time.

She's sharing her story to help other people also embrace their differences.

"Our talents and gifts are our strengths, and not something we have to hide away," Antony said. "Be who you are."

"It's your superpower."

Jenalene Antony is a freelance reporter and filmmaker in Southeast Saskatchewan. She embraces her neurodiversity now, but felt she had to hide it growing up.
Jenalene Antony is a freelance reporter and filmmaker in Southeast Saskatchewan. She embraces her neurodiversity now, but felt she had to hide it growing up. (Submitted by Jenalene Antony)