Survivors of intimate partner violence say educational reforms could help break the cycle of abuse

WARNING: This story contains details of intimate partner violence

Crystal McLean says it was the beginning of a new year when she decided she needed to leave her abusive partner. It took more than a year for her to make it happen for good.

"I was in an abusive relationship physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually," she said.

"I left probably over 50 times and just kept returning. I couldn't break the cycle."

Now separated and on a path to recovery, she wants to see educational reforms to try to lower Saskatchewan's troubling rates of domestic violence. In 2022, Saskatchewan had the highest provincial rates of police-reported family violence in the country with 730 victims per 100,000 population, and of intimate partner violence (IPV) at 732 per 100,000.

McLean said a lack of resources and education around IPV is driving the numbers up. Other survivors and educators agree.

McLean, a teacher, is trying to be part of the solution by sharing with her students what she has learned the hard way.

"We need to educate and empower people about the first signs of domestic violence. We need to start with our youth. We need to teach them healthy boundaries and relationships, about self-worth, self-love and self-respect," she said.

Her wounds have healed, but memories of the abuse still come in flashbacks. She remembers being helpless.

"I laid in the snow, my face in the snow, and I just wanted to die. I didn't want to live anymore."

She said the physical abuse started within the first couple of months of the relationship. She said resisting would make the punishment severe.

"It started off with just pushes and pulls of the hair, yanks of the arm and then it turned into full on beatings."

McLean said her partner's substance use was a big factor to the abuse she sustained.She said her family noticed bruises and worried about her.

"I told them that I fell down the stairs. They didn't believe me."

One spring morning, McLean experienced what she called a "surreal moment." She said she saw a silhouette of her mother's face, eyes full of tears, next to her bed.

"I knew right then, I had to leave to save myself."

Now living in Saskatoon, the 39-year-old said she incorporates "self-love and self-worth" in her daily teachings with students.

"The mental abuse, I feel, is a lot harder to get over than the physical abuse."

In an email statement, Saskatchewan RCMP said 81 per cent of victims in intimate partner violence incidents and 64 per cent of victims in family violence incidents in Saskatchewan are female.

A recent poll from the Canadian Women's Foundation found that two-thirds of respondents in Canada know a woman who has faced emotional, physical or sexual assault. The survey was conducted from Nov. 1 to 3 among 1,505 Canadians.

WATCH|This Regina teacher explains why healthy relationship education is often skimmed over:

This Regina teacher explains why healthy relationship education is often skimmed by teachers

11 months ago

Duration 2:11

Healthy relationships is required learning in Saskatchewan's Health 9 curriculum, but Kristopher Dueck, a high school teacher, says there are plenty of loopholes and ways for teachers to skim the material. Dueck also says the barring of third-party sex-ed organizations has robbed teachers of an important resource.

Need to teach youth to break the cycle of violence

McLean works in an independent school teaching at-risk youth about healthy boundaries and relationships.

"It's just extremely important to educate, and for our classroom teachers to step out of their comfort zone to teach these to our youth so the cycle can be broken," she said.

In an email statement, the Government of Saskatchewan said it has committed $27.5 million to address interpersonal violence and abuse in 2023-24.

"Saskatchewan health education curricula offers multiple opportunities for students to develop skills related to healthy relationships and to understand the impact of violence, including emotional, physical and sexual abuse," the statement read.

"Topics such as healthy relationships, coercive control and dating standards are addressed in health education."

Lessons depend on teachers

Kristopher Dueck, a teacher who has taught sex ed for more than a decade, agreed that much of this content can be found in the high school curriculum, with most in the Health 9 curriculum and some in Wellness 10.But he said how deeply these topics are explored depends on the resources available to the teacher and the division.

Having taught Health 9 for around 12 years, Dueck said there is a mandate to discuss healthy romantic relationships.

"They're named explicitly in the outcomes in the curriculum. But the Health 9 curriculum in Saskatchewan isn't very prescriptive. It doesn't have modules. A lot of decisions that are made with regard to the Health 9 curriculum are made by teachers and how they interpret the outcomes," he said.

Dueck said health education doesn't currently have a module-based curriculum, and that what curriculum there is sometimes clashes with reality.

He said he takes health classes seriously, but that they are often "passed off" to teachers with no background in the subject at some schools.

"If a government isn't mandating curriculum with specific modules, then it becomes up to the teacher."

Many of the resources teachers use for topics like coercive control, a form of psychological and emotional abuse, come from third-party organizations, like the YWCA or Planned Parenthood, but Saskatchewan's Bill 137 has made it so these groups aren't allowed to come in any more.

Dueck said the rhetoric around the bill may lead to teachers avoiding important topics or a situation where the "subjects are either glossed over or done poorly or not with a lot of depth or detail."

He said these subjects are an "absolutely imperative need" in the province, and can assist young people in having respectful, equal and consensual relationships, and consequently reduce intimate partner violence.

Make this a mandated curriculum: survivor

Brenda Ottenbreit spent her marriage walking on eggshells while dealing with her husband's abuse.

The Saskatchewan resident said she experienced coercive control and her ex-husband had financial control. She wasn't able to pay for basic things herself, including groceries.

"Not being able to pay for feminine products after I had a baby was dehumanizing and humiliating," she said.

It took Ottenbreit nine years of legal wrangling after leaving to get a divorce.

Now she is looking for a member of Parliament to help her develop an education bill that would make teaching how to deal with interpersonal violence mandatory across Canada.

She wants kids to "learn what's healthy and unhealthy, proper boundaries and what coercive control looks like, so that in 10 to 15 years we see a societal change."

"The biggest way to impact societal change is to start with their kids," she said.

She would like to see the info taught from kindergarten to Grade 12, plus at least one full semester on the nuances of abuse in high school.

She said social media makes it even more important to teach healthy boundaries from kindergarten and up in an age-appropriate way.

"If we teach our kids that the boundaries are healthy, we can break that cycle of abuse."

Modules explaining coercive control, patterns of abuse and domestic abuse intervention should become core subjects, Ottenbreit said, like mathematics and English are presently taught.

"It needs to be part of the core curriculum. That's how you make it mandated. That's why if you put it in as a core curriculum, there's no choice but to teach it," she said.

"It is needed."

For anyone affected by family or intimate partner violence, there is support available throughcrisis lines and local support services. If you're in immediate danger or fear for safety or that of others around you, please call 911.