Sudbury's Charlotte Leonard loses her ability to play trombone

As part of CBCSudbury'sCanada Reads book contest, we asked listeners to send in their stories about starting over the theme of this year's national competition.

ByCharlotte Leonard

A musical instrument is the means through which a musician expresses herself. It is an extension of one's body and mind, a personal voiceheard by all who desire to listen to it.

In 1999, I thought I might lose my voice, my ability to play the trombone, forever.

Each time I performed my shoulder and elbow ached. Any time I faced a fast-moving passage my body would tighten up in anticipation of the pain that would ensue, and of course, this tenseness exacerbated my condition.

At the same time, my embouchure, that is, the facial muscles that hug the skull around the lips, were no longer responding to my mental commands. In fact, part of my upper lip was no longer buzzing at all, and buzzing is the source of the sound on a brass instrument. I could no longer play softly, or shape a phrase with any sense of subtlety.

My sound was brassy, loud and harsh. I had lost the ability to play with a beautiful sonority.

I thought to myself either I retire from playing or I start over.

I took four months off from the instrument my voice was silent. I considered whether or not I ever wanted to play again.

Retire or start over?

Did I actually miss performing, especially with ensembles like the Sudbury Symphony Orchestra? Should I abandon a playing career at a time in life when most professional musicians were reaching their peak performance level? Should I let all those years of training and orchestral experience go to waste? Should I forever be silent?

After my time off I decided to start over, to pretend I had never played the trombone before and rebuild my facial muscles from scratch. My elbow and shoulder were already better from the rest, and in succeeding years I sought physiotherapy.

My brain had not forgotten a thing about playing the trombone, but my embouchure had to be entirely re-trained. I also had to re-learn how to sit properly and move my slide arm correctly. In addition, I had to also revise how I practiced so that I would never fall into this kind of physical rut again.

In fact, the key was that I had to renew my attitude towards my practice routine, and find the joy in it again. So far so good, and I have never doubted my decision to start over.

I have not lost my voice.