5 Ways To Keep Your Tweens Involved In Family Time

According to my research, which consists mainly of listening to the advice of friends who have children slightly older than mine, the best indicator of a healthy relationship with your tween (and then teen) is communication. Don’t stop talking to them, I’m told; don’t stop spending time with them. The advice, as sound as it is, can be tricky to implement, especially as my girls become fully engulfed in the tween years and all the energy and eye-rolling it takes to develop into full-fledged young women.

So, like everything in parenting, we have to work at it. And if one thing isn’t working, we try something else. If you are wondering how to keep your tween engaged in family time and open communication, maybe some of the things we do will help at your house too.

1. Nurture independence, but don’t excuse your tween from family activities

We trust our 11-year-old daughter to stay home alone for short periods of time, but if she had her way, she would excuse herself from almost every outing in favour of a house to herself. So we strike a balance: No, you don’t have to come to the hardware store, but you definitely have to come to Grandma’s. Giving her that time to herself on occasion makes her fight the non-negotiable outings much less often.

2. Turn spending time together into a habit 

A Friday games night, a Sunday bike ride, a weekday meal prep session — once you get into the habit of doing an activity together, it sticks. It can be as elaborate as skiing together every weekend or as simple as putting together a puzzle. And don’t forget to ask your tween what family activity they would like to suggest. It may even become something that your tween looks forward to!

3. Make time for your tween

I’m not really a fan of consciously separating my kids for specific time with me; it’s just not something that works with our family dynamic and desire to keep our family unit strong. That said, I do spend time with each of my kids on their own in a natural, casual way. While one is in an extracurricular activity, I’ll take the other to the library, or I’ll cajole one of my girls to come grocery shopping or run errands with me. It’s time that doesn’t feel forced or contrived, won’t lead to competition, and still allows some one-on-one.

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4. Limit screens

Obvious, right? But it can be the most difficult hurdle to enjoying family time to overcome. Snapchat, YouTube, Instagram, Netflix, Musical.ly: I can’t compete. So I don’t. Instead, we have clear and acceptable duration and time-of-use boundaries for devices and screen time. And once they put down the screens, it’s amazing what my kids are willing to do to stay busy.

5. Engage in "passive time" together 

Take full advantage of the time that you and your tween are already spending together to engage. We know that meals together, even if it’s just a bowl of cereal in the morning, are a great time to talk, and your tween isn’t going anywhere until they finish eating. Car rides are another perfect activity to turn into family time. Talk! Tell jokes, play games, sing songs. We engage our kids during long road trips by listening to audiobooks that the entire family will enjoy, turning something that could be very boring into a shared experience.