6 Unexpected Side Effects Of Parenthood

When I first became a parent four and a half years ago, I was ready, for the most part. I was ready for the sleepless nights (though I wasn’t expecting them to last four and a half years.) I was ready for the body changes (minus the pregnancy hemorrhoids), I was ready for the all-encompassing love (though I really had no idea just how all-encompassing it would truly be), and I was ready for the lifestyle changes: goodbye late-nights out with friends, and hello “lunch” and “coffee” dates.

But there were a few unexpected side effects of parenthood that I wasn’t ready for. 

I’m Unable To Watch Crime Shows

Pre-children, we binge watched CSI. Episode after episode of serial-killing suspense. We loved it. We named our cat Grissom. We did Horatio impressions. But once I had my son? No way. There was no way I could watch, even an actor, be harmed in any way. “That’s someone’s baby!” And I would start to cry. I couldn’t even watch the news. Four and a half years later, I can watch the news now (barely), but I still can’t watch crime shows.

I decide to punctuate my anger with my middle finger. It’s strangely satisfying. You should try it.

I’m Allergic To My Wedding Rings

No, I’m not taking a stab at my husband or my commitment to our wedding vows. I’m literally allergic to my white-gold wedding rings. My body chemistry changed when I first became pregnant, and it hasn’t been the same ever since. I guess it’s time for new rings. I also happen to like yellow gold better now. Win-win. 

I Give The Middle Finger

Speaking of fingers, I use my middle one a lot more now when I’m upset. Classy, I know. But when I’m feeling frustrated and want to swear excessively (but can’t because my kids are within earshot) I decide to punctuate my anger with my middle finger. It’s strangely satisfying. You should try it.

I’m Less Self-Conscious

I don’t know if it’s lack of sleep or lack of shits-to-give, but once I had kids I cared less about what my body looked like. I don’t mean this in an “I’ve given up on life lets eat cheese-puffs and wear sweats” sort of way (though some days–yes!) I mean this in an empowering “I grew a human inside of my body, and I can do anything” sort of way.

I Have A New Respect For My Mom

Once I became a mother and realized the depth of my love for my own child, it instantly made me realize “My Mom has felt this way about me my whole life. Wow.” It seems obvious and simple, but it really made me reflect on our relationship in a new and meaningful way (and feel terrible about the times I had my Mom up late at night worrying about me. Sorry!)

I Love Other People’s Children

I’ve always loved children, but once I became a mother, I felt like I had joined a universal club where all mothers were my sisters and their children were also somehow mine. It’s the reason I can barely read headlines that involve a tragedy and a child. It just hurts too much.

The pulse of motherhood is strong. My itchy-ring-finger-cry-way-too-easily-self feels very fortunate to experience these unexpected side effects. They’re totally worth it.