Tales of Motherhood: Awkward Conversations With My Children

"Mom, what's humping mean?"

My nine-year-old son is walking upstairs to brush his teeth. I'm sorting through his backpack, removing a thermos and an uneaten apple. A regular Wednesday night. I should have known he'd take this chance to spring one on me, like a Ninja Turtle. When you least expect it, out it comes: the parenting pop-quiz question that makes you blush, and then pray the living room rug swallows you whole.

From the time he asked why his sister's penis had broken off, my son always had a way with zingers. My seven-year-old daughter, though, is different. I listen more closely, as it sometimes takes a while to get the real question out of her. When it does, it's no less tricky. I'm not afraid, though. If I want to be a source for answers regarding politics, sex and religion, I have to put myself out there. I keep my embarrassment, surprise and fear inside. My kids smell fear. So, just the facts, ma'am. I answer on the spot. There's no diversion, such as "I'll tell you later" or "Go ask your father." I try not to worry about it snowballing into a conversation I'm not ready to have with them. The key for me is to answer only what they ask (Question: "What's this?" Answer: "It's a tampon"), and then check to see if they understand. They will ask if they need more information. They will let me know when to stop explaining.

Once my son asked me about his friend's parents who were getting divorced. I went into much detail about how things happen for reasons we don't always understand, how his friend's parents still loved their children and that it was nobody's fault. Certain that my son was worried about our family, I kept going. "Even though Daddy and me disagree sometimes, you know we love each other and you very much. Does that make sense?" He just nodded, and said, "You can stop talking now. Can I go play Lego?"

Still, I always question my answers. Was it too short or too long? Age appropriate? Unprejudiced? Factually correct? I try not to rush because I'm feeling uncomfortable. I know I only have this moment. Now. When my kids are older, they will go elsewhere, but I want them to know they can always ask me and I'll be straight. I guess like everything else about parenting, you do what you think is right at the time. That's all we can go on.

So what does humping mean? I answered his question as I have before. Short and blunt. One sentence. More fill-in- the-blank than long-form essay. I didn't even ask where he had heard the word. "It's a vulgar way to talk about having sex."

He smiled. "Okay. That was awkward, but we did pretty good, hey Mom?"

Phew. Passed another one. Not a bad grade to get from a nine-year-old boy.

Debbie Hynes is a full-time working mom. When she can steal time, Debbie likes to run, row and write in the margins. Born in Newfoundland, she now lives in Montreal with her husband and three wunderkins. You can follow her on Twitter @debbiehynes01