I Don’t Constantly Supervise My Children, and I Think It’s Made Them More Resilient

When I gave birth to my first child, nearly nine years ago, the attachment parenting philosophy was gaining traction. As a 22-year-old mom, I wasn’t ready to forge my own path into motherhood. I bought a Baby Bullet and attempted to make baby food, I breastfed on demand and I co-slept with my wriggly infant. When one friend recommended that I purchase a popular cotton wrap to carry my baby everywhere, I relented.

I spent a precious $80 on this long piece of cloth, and watched a YouTube instruction video that seemed far too complicated. I tried, desperately, to wrap my tiny newborn up into the confusing cotton contraption, but we both ended up red-faced and crying in the end.

Natalie Romero's kids are allowed to pack their own lunches, use sharp knives and even make dinner —  in fact, she encourages it. Read her POV here.

A few weeks later I remembered that I’d been given a baby swing, a huge apparatus that sat obtrusively in the middle of the living room. I wrapped my daughter up in a muslin blanket and laid her in the swing, setting it to a moderate swing speed. It didn’t take long for both of us to fall in love with the swing. While other mothers carried their babies around like kangaroos, I embraced the independence of the baby swing, or the jolly jumper, or a blanket on the floor covered in toys — which I had in rotation throughout the day.

"Playing independently has encouraged confidence in my kids, and it’s helped them to get through the long days of lockdown."

By the time my kids were toddlers they were able to play independently. I still got down on the floor and built Duplo, or sang songs with them in the kitchen or pushed them in the swing at the local park. But I also encouraged my children to play on their own, and I watched as their creativity blossomed on their own.

Now my kids are three, six and eight, and they’re all relatively independent kids. They find fun crafts to make in our craft bin, and my older kids sometimes retreat to their bedrooms to read a book, but mostly they all play together — sometimes putting on fashion shows, or dressing up and performing a play.

Since we went into lockdown, our children’s independence has definitely been appreciated, as well as necessary. They still fight, get bored or want adult interaction — they are kids after all. But they also enjoy finding new ways to play on their own. I had no idea that encouraging independence in my infants would be impacting our entire family in such a positive way. I also had no idea that researchers believe that independent play contributes to resilience.

Dr. Robin Alter from the Psychology Foundation of Canada shares effective strategies to help your child navigate stress and anxiety. Read that article here.

The Canadian Mental Health Association says this about children and resilience: “Resilient children tend to be empathic; that is, they can understand and sympathize with the feelings of others. They tend to be good communicators who are able to solve problems. They have a strong interest in school, and are dedicated to learning. They're driven to achieve goals. They're involved in meaningful activities. They're hopeful about the future. They have a solid relationship with one or more adults. And they live in safe and well-functioning families and communities.”

Playing independently has encouraged confidence in my kids, and it’s helped them to get through the long days of lockdown. I hope it helps them to bounce back once we return to our new normal, too. I think we should all be proud of our kids, I’d say that living through a pandemic is perhaps the greatest resilience builder of all.