I Was Accidentally Teaching Diet Culture To My Kid

Marilyn Monroe is an enduring symbol of beauty, glamour and sex.

So when Kim Kardashian wore her iconic gown, made famous when Ms. Monroe sang Happy Birthday to President Kennedy in 1962, to this year’s MET Gala, it caused a stir. Some were up in arms believing the reality star had diminished the dress’s historic significance. Others feared she might have damaged the delicate fabric, forever desecrating the garment.

But I had a different reaction as I watched her do the red-carpet shuffle in the figure-clinging frock.

Alicia McAuley reflects on how motherhood changed the way she felt about her body.

I listened as she proclaimed how she’d lost a whopping 16 pounds in just three weeks to squeeze into the gown. This news became almost as big a story as her wearing the dress. All she had to do was eat lean protein and veggies, wear a sauna suit twice a day and run on the treadmill. Easy!

My heart sank a little because I knew her words would impact countless women and girls. She was sending the message to millions of young people who look up to her that it is acceptable to starve yourself to wear a dress. Many who struggle with body image will feel inspired to deprive themselves of food because she normalized it at the pinnacle of fashion events.

"I’ve worked hard over the years to try and battle the bulge in the name of good health and a hearty dose of vanity."

It made me think about my impressionable teen years. I didn’t grow up during the age of social media, but the pressure to look a certain way found its way to the '80s me. I was raised in the golden age of aerobics. When Jamie Lee Curtis starred in a film called Perfect. And sexy fitness shows like The 20-Minute Workout took over our TV screens, featuring slim women in high-cut leotards.

Somewhere in between Jazzercise and John Hughes films, I heard that eating ex-lax, which looked and tasted like chocolate, was an easy way to get lean. Wanting to look like the svelte permed goddess in fitness videos, I decided to try it. And because I was just a kid, I didn’t know how exactly these chocolate squares were going to make me look hot. Let’s just say I learned the hard way while out for lunch with my family at a restaurant. I never tried that again.

As an adult, I’ve tried to take a healthier approach to looking and feeling my best. Or at least I thought I was. I’ve worked hard over the years to try and battle the bulge in the name of good health and a hearty dose of vanity. I’ve participated in the no-carb game. I’ve tried my hand at intermittent fasting. I’ve dabbled in herbal cleanses. I’ve even given the Cookie Diet a whirl. In retrospect, if anyone has had a bad influence on my daughter, it was me.

Jenn Cox points out that boys are just as much aware of their appearance as girls are.

I rationalized that to be a healthy mother, I needed to keep things in check. Extra weight on my body was not good for me, so I had to do what it took to try and achieve a trim figure. I went years without eating things like fruit because I thought it was fattening. I avoided carbs like bread, pasta and potatoes because I understood they added pounds. I often served my daughter different meals from mine because she needed to eat things I had banned from my diet.

I didn’t think she noticed this. But of course she did.

"Somewhere in the effort to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I lost sight of the bigger picture."

When the pandemic hit, I gave up trying to shoehorn my eating habits to try and fight the middle-age spread. I gave up the things that weren’t adding to my life and started enjoying sharing meals with my family — diets be damned.

Like so many of us, I took comfort where I could find it. Sometimes it came in the form of bread, occasionally a glass of wine, mostly on long walks in the woods. I paid closer attention to what made me feel good, what agreed with my body and what I was modelling for my teen. 

Somewhere in the effort to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I lost sight of the bigger picture. That food is to be enjoyed and that no food group is bad. I’m working to bring more balance to my life and my home.

I may not be unable to stop negative diet culture messages from reaching my daughter from outside sources, but I can make sure I’m not the source of harm. It can confuse the barrage of conflicting messages around eating clean, healthy living, self-esteem and body positivity.

I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I know one thing for sure.

Life is too short not to enjoy carbs.