If They Had Parenting Events in The Olympic Games

As you tune in to the Olympic Games in Rio to watch athletes compete, it hits you — keeping kids happy and entertained for two months in the summer demands its own flexibility, strength and endurance. You start to think of yourself as an elite athlete who has been training for years. You know what? You are! Here are some Parenting Olympic events you've no doubt been training for this summer.

Don’t let the beauty of this event fool you. It demands artistry, grace and speed as competitors race to slather sunscreen on two children at the same time, while both struggle to escape. You are scored based on sunscreen coverage with deductions made for getting it in their eyes, nose, hair — or all three.

This feat of strength pits parents against children in a test of mental and physical stamina as one competitor struggles to keep the home tidy while highly skilled mess-makers run interference. This ancient sport has been reportedly played in homes around the world since the dawn of time.

A multi-circuited family race that relies on team cooperation. Circuit examples include: Team A gets kids ready for camp. Team B makes breakfast. A packs lunches. B searches for keys. A admonishes B for always losing keys. B says A had them last. A drives kids to camp. B calls to say A forgot knapsacks. A says that was B’s job. B hangs up on A.

This sport demands flexibility, endurance and the ability to not totally lose your cool in public. Participants are scored on their ability to wrangle their children (and themselves) out of wet bathing suits while in a very tiny public change room as kids beg, “PLEASE JUST ONE MORE SWIM!"

A relatively new sport, this gruelling event is a multiple-stage competition involving three continuous and sequential endurance disciplines:

• Getting kids off their devices to spend a nice family day in the great outdoors.
• Convincing kids that no one in their class will see them wearing long pants tucked into socks.
• Driving home in a hot car in summer traffic before the grand finale: conducting a thorough full-body inspection for tiny blood-sucking black-legged ticks.

This sport includes the athletic skills of bending, crawling and lifting of furniture while you try to locate tech gadgets that get lost in your home on a daily basis. It demands strength, self-control and the ability to calmly ask, "Well, where did you have it last?”

As you wobble toward the September finish line like a tuckered out triathlete, congratulate yourself for setting a personal best in the most important event of all: being a great parent. Oh, and don't forget, the Winter Parenting Olympics are just around the corner.

All icons from The Noun Project. Sunscreen bottle: Olivier Guin. Running figure: Abraham. Sad person: Shreya Chakravarty. Mess: Clayton Meador. Relay: Kirill Ulitin. Backpack: Michael Stüker. Tick: Andrey Semenenko. Couch: icon54. Phone: Carla Dias. Medal: Marie Van den Broeck. Wine glass: Gabriele Malaspina.