I’m a Gamer, I’m a Mom, And Here’s What Everyone Asks Me

No one can believe it when I tell them I’m a gamer. And I’m not talking about Candy Crush or Just Dance 4 or Guitar Hero (all super fun, btw). Nor am I talking about sports games. I’m talking grab-a-weapon-and-explore-a-massive-world-and-find-some-loot-and-kill-some-creatures console games. 

We’re going to gloss over the fact that the idea of a 37-year-old mom of two still doesn’t fit into the “gamer” stereotype (hi, it’s 2016, and women own a ton of consoles — maybe even more than men, depending on who you ask — and just as many women play video games as men), and get down to brass tacks: here are answers to the most common questions I get about my love of games.

But Aren’t They So Violent?

People ask me how I can stomach the violence of games, and it's a good, valid question. First, it's important to note that not all video games are super violent. That said, a lot of the games that I choose to play are. And if you had told me years ago that I would like playing violent video games, I would have said no way — real-world violence turns my stomach. But then, yeah, I played one. And it was really, really fun. And here’s the thing about video games — they’re not real. Much in the way that I can enjoy a violent blockbuster action movie, my healthy relationship with media allows me to suspend disbelief and feel comfortable with the fact that the troll I’m slashing with a sword is, in fact, not a real thing.

If you had told me years ago that I would like playing violent video games, I would have said no way — real-world violence turns my stomach.

To be fair, I still avoid most militaristic games, and play games that fall into the fantasty/sci-fi adventure or puzzler camp, but it’s worth noting, too, that many games now offer settings to turn down the amount of blood and gore a player sees as they play. Really.

But Aren’t Games Misogynistic?

Some are. The video game industry (both producers and players) has been dominated by men for a very long time, but this is slowly changing. And as it changes, you can find game studios and independent producers who produce games that are balanced, nuanced and socially smart. Dragon Age: Inquisition (a favourite), for example, allows for players to play as either a male or female protagonist, allows for romantic relationships with same-sex or opposite-sex characters and also features a transgender character. Progress! 

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But Don’t You Have to Talk to Strangers on a Headset?

You can. But you don’t have to. I don’t play massive mutli-player online role-playing games (MMORPGs in gamer parlance). But no judgement against those who do!

But Aren’t You Afraid You’ll Get Addicted?

I acknowledge that people do have issues with video game overuse. But, I feel the same way about gaming as I do about french fries or rum or stupid videos on Facebook: moderation is key. There's also research to support that context is a key predictor of whether someone will have a healthy relationship with gaming or not (this episode of the Note to Self podcast provides a lot of excellent info: The Secret to Making Video Games Good For You). So, with all that said, I'm no more afraid of getting addicted to video games than I am of getting addicted to Scandal on Netflix.

Oh, wait... 

I feel the same way about gaming as I do about chocolate or fries or rum or stupid videos on Facebook: moderation is key.

But, but, but... Why?

Because video games, like any of my other hobbies, get me out of my day-to-day. Because I get to solve puzzles and explore and sometimes even have sex on a taxidermied unicorn. Because, after I’ve been playing a well-crafted video game for a while, I feel more relaxed. Because the art of video games can be astoundingly beautiful. Because, even if I feel like I’ve done everything wrong at home and at work, I can still level up in a game and feel like I'm good at something at the end of the day. Because — most importantly — it’s fun.

I have two small kids, neither of which is remotely ready to play violent video games. But when they are, many years from now, and if they want to, I hope they won’t mind if their mama grabs a controller and sidles up beside them on the couch.