It’s so hard to be a mom who doesn’t drink

Before I begin, this is not the story of a parent who is a recovering alcoholic. I would certainly read that and it'd be an important perspective, but it's not mine. I am just a mom who doesn’t drink and what I've found is that my sobriety has had a surprising impact on my relationships and situations.

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Let me also say that I have had a drink. I've had several. When I was in high school and university, drinking on weekends and the occasional weeknight was par for the course. I didn’t drink more than my friends, nor did I drink less.

I did, however, suffer from some pretty wicked hangovers that got worse as I aged. And when I graduated from school and started working, the hangovers weren’t worth missing precious days off. So, that's when my drinking gradually petered out. Sure, I would have a drink from time to time, and even get tipsy occasionally, but what I quickly realized is it isn't worth it.

I don’t really keep track of “wine o’clock,” but it seems to be kind of a big deal.

As I get older, even a sip or two of alcohol brings on a headache or migraine, which I already get quite frequently without drinking. Plus, I teach several yoga disciplines and am always trying to rehydrate. So, quite simply, I don’t drink.

This is more challenging in today’s society than you might think. I’ve become acutely aware of the role of alcohol – particularly wine – in the world of parenting media and social situations. I don’t really keep track of “wine o’clock,” but it seems to be kind of a big deal.

I’ve had friends tease, cajole and downright try to peer pressure me into drinking. And I feel guilty that I am not keeping my partner company when he wants to indulge a bit or tie one on. Meanwhile “moms' night out” always seem to require a bottle of something in one hand.

With more situations that emphasize drinking or are punctuated by drinking, I can’t help but feel like less of a partner and less of a friend. But I couldn’t care less about all-inclusive vacations or the glee of meeting in a bar. In fact, a coffee shop will do just fine.  

When I don't drink, I feel happier and like a truer representation of the real me.

I’m perfectly happy to attend social events and sip on some tea rather than a vintage. And I like to think that I can be fun and a good conversationalist without alcohol, with the added bonus that I don’t slur my words.

I certainly know that, for me, there’s much less chance of picking a stupid fight with a loved one and saying things I don’t mean when I’m sober. I also feel much better mentally and physically without alcohol. When I don't drink, I feel happier and like a truer representation of the real me.

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Of course I can see the appeal of alcohol – I feel the same way about coffee! I am also pretty sure that I don’t judge anyone for looking forward to a glass of wine, a night out or a boozy vacation. I just hope that people can begin to understand and not judge me for wanting to participate in social situations without imbibing. 

Sometimes I still think that maybe parenting would be easier if I drank. And maybe social situations would be free of judgment if I too could claim it were hard to wait until noon, or 5 p.m., or whenever the justifiable mom drinking hour is these days.

I may never find out because sobriety works for me. And I feel like I can be myself and parent the way I need to. So, yeah, not drinking is a plan I intend to stick with.