Mondays Are Fun Days Why Scheduled Sex Is Important To Us

“Tomorrow is Monday,” my husband says, a small smile creeping across his face. We’re sitting outside on our back patio, drinking a beer (for him) and tea (for me), while watching the sunset together. 'Monday' is a secret-code we have in our home because that’s the day we have scheduled for just the two of us.

To make it a bit more clear: Monday is the day we have scheduled for sex.

"But when my husband gently reminds me that it’s Monday tomorrow, I know he’s also asking me if 'Monday' is still happening."

Obviously scheduling sex doesn’t sound very sexy. But when do we have the time to be together? My husband works full-time, while I attempt to re-enter the freelance field as my industry crashes and burns, all during a pandemic. To top it off, we have three young kids, a dog and a house to take care of. Scheduling sex is the only way it’s going to happen. Even without the pandemic, having a set schedule when you’ve been married a decade is a great solution — at least, it has been for us.

But lately even the appointment in my calendar hasn’t been enough for me to actually “attend” my meeting, if you catch my drift. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and honestly there are days when that’s the last thing on my mind. But when my husband gently reminds me that it’s Monday tomorrow, I know he’s also asking me if 'Monday' is still happening.

I’ll be honest and say that I haven’t been interested in 'Mondaying' every single week since we started self-isolating in March. And I’ve accepted that it’s OK, and so has my partner. That’s the key to consent — just because we have a scheduled time doesn’t mean we’re obligated to show up. If one of us isn’t interested we respect each other. Other times, we 'Monday' — just not on Monday.

For us, having time to ourselves as a couple has been a key to not losing each other during this really challenging time. We’re constantly interacting with each other, and it’s easy to get sick of someone when you’re always around them. Still, we don’t want to lose the tenderness, the love or the connection we have with one another.

The pandemic has taught this mom that parenthood will never be easy. Read that POV here.

After the kids go to bed, we try to take some time to ourselves separately. My husband might play the guitar while I read, or I might walk the dog while he works on a home renovation project. But we always try to make time to be together. Some nights we’ll play Boggle or Yahtzee, or watch a show on Netflix or Apple TV+. Other nights we’ll retreat to bed and cuddle and talk about our day. What I’ve learned is the greater our connection to each other, the stronger our desire for intimacy.

What works for us won’t work for everyone, but we’ve learned that mutual respect and a desire to show up and love each other  — even when we don’t feel like it — usually leads to a stronger desire to make time for sexual intimacy. We focus on the connection first, and the intimacy follows. On Mondays, or sometimes if we’re lucky, on a different day of the week.