I’m Not Embarrassed By My Period And My Daughter Won’t Be Ashamed of Hers

When I got my first period, my mom came into my room to say goodbye. She was leaving  for work when I told her.

She asked if I knew why I was getting it (and thanks to health class at school and a best friend who got it first, I did), so upon knowing this she simply said she’d pick me up supplies on her way home and told me where to find hers for the time being.

That was it. No fanfare. No period party. No woman-to-woman conversation. I couldn’t have imagined any of those things anyway, so that was that, it seemed.

Why stop at periods? Read about why one mom thinks learning about the clitoris should be part of sex-ed curriculums — here.

It was short and simple, but I felt supported at the very least. A year later when I told her I hated pads and couldn’t get through the day without a tampon, thanks to a ridiculously heavy period (my friends didn’t seem to have these), she didn’t hesitate to once again get me the supplies I asked for.

As the years went on, my period was associated with pain, discomfort and stress. I worried about bleeding through my underwear, I needed to see doctors to manage the pain and it truly affected my life.  This stress carried into adulthood.

Now, after more than 25 years of getting my period, I’ve learned a few things about pain control, comfort and the supplies I need to feel confident when on my period.

I’ve been a longtime user of a reusable silicone cup and leak-proof underwear has been everything to me.

Something else has changed too: I’ve since become a mom to a daughter who is within months or a few short years of getting her first period, too.

"It took me a long time to find a way to relieve my painful, heavy periods."

I feel like I am prepared to support her, even if I question how prepared I truly am for either of my kids to grow up.

Conversations have already begun with her (although in fairness she hasn’t asked as many questions as I would have expected) and with her older brother. I want him to understand and have empathy for people in his life who get their period, too.

I want my daughter to feel empowered. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to sneak around, or feel embarrassed for leaving class because of the potential whispers or mockery that might arise. Because a period isn’t something to be ashamed of or hide. 

And that mindset has infiltrated my friend group. We have kids with children the same age — or slightly older — and openly swap product recommendations and stories.

But beyond the conversations, there’s also a mutual understanding that pain and discomfort don’t have to be suffered through. It took me a long time to find a way to relieve my painful, heavy periods.

Are you ready to handle your PMS? Not every parent is. Read about how one mother's PMS impacts her life — here. 

There are even smaller cups for young people, and various companies with leak-proof underwear for teens, and even swimwear available with lined bottoms. If reusable products aren’t the way to go for ease or comfort for her, there are eco-friendly organic cotton disposable pads and tampons that will help her and serve her environmentally conscious mind.

Admittedly, reusable products do come with a heftier price tag upfront, but in the long run I know the cost will balance out. All this is to say there are far more options than when I was selecting from the feminine products aisle at the pharmacy.

I feel far more confident in 2020 that I’ll be able to provide my daughter everything she needs to manage her period. I’ve begun with frank conversations about my menstrual history, and when the time comes I’ll make sure she has the tools she needs — just like my mother did for me. And to cap it all off, I want her to always know that I understand her pain — and I will take it seriously.

Because I believe that’s what every person deserves.