In Two Years, I’ve Never Been More Afraid About the World My Kid Lives In

Warning: Some parents may find this article disturbing. Reader discretion is advised.

I originally wrote this article in January 2020 to share my parental fears and identify three things that were scary to me then and, frankly, terrify me still.

When I sat down to update my three biggest current worries, I had a major epiphany: What scares me now wasn't even on my radar back then. It wasn't even in my imagination. It was as if we were sucked up from a scene in Law and Order and spat out in a scene from The Walking Dead. I know that's extreme, but you get my drift. Different worlds, different worries.

So here they are, my top three fears from back in the early days of 2020 — and my top three fears now. Along with a few tips on how I try to crush them.

Early-2020 Fear 1: Vaping

I was sitting in traffic with my daughter, watching the car in front of us. A 20-something driver put what looked to be a flash drive to his lips and inhaled. From his mouth came a cloud of white vapour so thick it temporarily obscured him until it billowed out the car windows. It looked as clean as a cloud, but in reality it’s a noxious brew containing glycerol, propylene glycol, potentially harmful flavouring chemicals and, in some cases, nicotine.

I turned and saw my daughter watching as well. "You know what's going on there?" I asked.

"Of course," she answered, “that guy's vaping. Lots of kids do it at my school."

Sadly, she is right. A recent Health Canada survey revealed that 23 per cent of students in Grades 7 - 12 had tried an electronic cigarette. It’s problematic because some e-cigarettes contain nicotine, a highly addictive substance, which can affect a young person’s brain development and their ability to concentrate.

It makes me angry that, after years of declining nicotine use among young people, vaping has skyrocketed among Canadian teens.

While these products are currently undergoing review for new regulations, there is no way of knowing what chemicals are being inhaled into the lungs. But we are beginning to get a better picture of the potentially negative effects of vaping, because of the growing number of vaping-related illnesses cropping up in hospitals. 

What I Do:

• I talk often about the harmful effects of nicotine on young developing lungs.
• I try to explain addiction and how nicotine is a highly addictive drug.
• If my child ever vapes, I won't be judgmental. Instead, I plan to encourage a visit to a health professional who can recommend treatment.
• Meanwhile, I watch for signs of sudden and severe lung disease: shortness of breath, trouble breathing or chest pains.

Early-2020 Fear 2: Fentanyl

When I was around my daughter's age, I watched The Gene Krupa Story with my mom. The film, about the life of the legendary jazz drummer, has a scene in which Gene smokes a joint. As we watched, my mom remarked, "All it takes is one puff on a marijuana cigarette to be addicted." I refused to believe it. Of course, she was wrong about marijuana — at least in my experience. But I think of that moment when I try to make my daughter understand the dangers of today's highly addictive drugs, especially fentanyl.

According to Health Canada, there were more than 9,000 opioid-related deaths in Canada between 2016 and 2019 — and nearly all of them the result of accidental overdoses. In 2017, 11 people died each day. Fentanyl leads the way as the most lethal killer, being 100 times more powerful than morphine. Invisible, without smell or taste, it only takes a few grains of salt worth to be fatal. Many victims are unaware that they've even consumed it, as it is routinely added to other street drugs and can be smoked, swallowed or injected.

Most concerning to me is that youth 15 to 24 are the fastest-growing group hospitalized for overdoses and many that survive are left with severe life-altering injuries.

What I Do:

• I talk openly about how lethal fentanyl and other opioids are.
• I share my concerns with my kid about the dangers of being slipped a drug on the side.
• I watch for the signs of opioid use: sudden attitudinal changes, falling school grades, borrowing money or sudden changes in communication.
• I've made sure I know the signs of an overdose and keep a naloxone kit in the house (naloxone is a medication that can temporarily reverse the effect of an opioid overdose).

Early-2020 Fear 3: Drug-resistant STIs

While we are fortunate to live in a world where many STIs are curable, that isn't the case for every one. HIV, while preventable and treatable is not curable — yet. 

Thankfully, medical advances have resulted in reducing the HIV virus to the point of being undetectable in the bloodstream. The bad news is that some formerly curable STIs are becoming increasingly resistant to traditional treatment.

In Canada, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis are the most common sexually transmitted infections, with rates rising alarmingly among people 15 to 39 years of age. Gonorrhea, the second most reported STI, is becoming increasingly resistant to treatments that worked in the past. Without new medications for resistant strains, certain strains of the disease could become incurable. The result: pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility and chronic pelvic pain in women and epididymitis (pain and swelling in the testicles) in men.

What I Do:

• I maintain an open dialogue about sexuality with my kid that is non-judgmental.
• I make sure I'm available and attentive if my kid ever needs to confide in me about sexual matters.
• I am making efforts so my kid knows and understands the risk of STIs.
• I reinforce the need to practice safe sex, if and when the time comes.

New Fear 1: Education Disruption

If you're a parent of young school-age children, you're likely a very different person than you were a few years ago. For many, few things have been as difficult as working from home while supervising children being schooled online in the next room.

SickKids recently released new research on the impact of COVID-19 on the mental and physical health of children. As you would expect, it's been rough on them. In a nutshell, the study found that our kids' mental health declined at the start of the pandemic, and heightened levels of anxiety and depression have continued throughout these several ongoing waves.

COVID-19 is still a recent pandemic, so there hasn't been a lot of time to assess its full impact with any degree of certainty. That said, according to the COVID-19 Advisory for Ontario, the long-term effects of educational disruption will be significant for kids.

Thankfully, this year has been much better as kids returned to school. But a gnawing worry lingers in the background: What will the long-term impact be of two years of interrupted education? Will it reduce my child's educational options and lifetime earnings? What will be the effect of soaring deficits on the social safety net and Canadian economy? And what can I do to help my child make up for lost learning?

What I Do:

• I pay attention to the areas challenging my child.
• I don't hesitate to contact their teacher to get their input on what we as parents can do to help.
• I identify my child's areas of interest and suggest learning activities that reflect these preferences (these can be excellent stress relievers that help nurture a healthy attitude toward learning despite the pandemic).
• I keep positive, stressing the wonders of knowledge and education as the foundation of the emerging post-pandemic world.

New Fear 2: Mental Health

I'd be surprised if many Canadian families have been immune to the mental pressures we've experienced the last few years. And while it's natural to be drawn to negative energy when there is much to be sad about, I've found it helpful to ask myself this question: Does the pandemic cloud have a silver lining?

When it comes to mental health, I think some consequences are positive. For one, I think we are much more aware and accepting of mental health issues. It seems these issues are not nearly as stigmatized as they were pre-pandemic because we've seen them in so many others, as well as ourselves. So when we emerge from the other side of this (as we will!), I believe we will be a more compassionate society offering far more significant support and far less stigma regarding mental health issues.

What I Do:

• If I sense mental health issues in my child, I'm proactive.
• I talk to them and encourage them to share their feelings and fears.
• I pay attention to changes in behaviours related to eating, friendships, interests and school grades.

Of course, if you or a family member need immediate support, don't hesitate. Reach out to your family healthcare professionals or other trusted resources. This is an excellent place to start.

New Fear 3: Social Breakdown

As if pre-ordained, the pandemic landed at a time of substantial social turbulence and unrest. South of the border, millions believe that the US election was stolen. And it seems many of these same people decry the tyranny of vaccines. Virtually every day, I read a sad story of someone anti-vax enduring a horrific death that a vaccine would have prevented.

These same trends are happening across Canada. If you had told me two years ago that masses of people would demonstrate against and vocally assault healthcare workers laying their own lives on the line, I would have thought you were describing a scene from some dystopian horror film. What's more, I would have been right.

The silver lining for me on this fear is the realization that we can't take for granted the benefits we share from living in our free and democratic society. I hope more people will realize the actual stakes and take action to defend our democratic way of life. I'm hopeful because I see kids like my daughter recognizing the threat posed by alt-right ideologues and the Canada they envision.

What I Do:

• I talk to my kid to help them understand the events they are witnessing in real-time.
• I encourage them to think about the kind of world they will want to live in and suggest ways to get involved and help achieve it (whether at school, in the community or through local political issues).
• I work to nurture a broader vision and sense of ownership of what we are all so lucky to share — nothing less than the best country in the world.

So there you have it: three pre-pandemic fears alongside three new ones for our new reality.

If you've made it this far, you've no doubt noticed that for me, it's important to talk to my child openly, honestly and frequently. It's not easy, there is always something else I could be doing, and kids aren't always receptive. But I believe the awareness I am creating will go a long way to protect my child one day when I'm not around, and they must make potentially life-altering choices in a brave new world.