What I Want To Tell My Future Parent Self

Dear Future Mom Me,

Wait, where are you? It’s hard to see through all the mist because, you know, it’s the future. I think you’re standing in a dorm room of a university? Or it could be the departure area of an airport? Or, maybe a cramped windowless basement apartment that houses an experimental punk band?

Let’s stick with the university dorm room idea.

And who’s that standing beside you? She looks like a young lady who only faintly resembles that little baby you had so many years ago. She is taller than you now, and beside her are some suitcases. But it’s her eyes that draw you in. Because in them you can see the glint of adventure — her life is just about to begin.

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You are standing at the threshold of where childhood ceases and adulthood commences. It’s the moment in time that you’ve tirelessly worked towards, yet silently dreaded. That instant when your kid is no longer a child anymore. And your job as parent, as you’ve known it, has come to an end. 

Why does this feel eerily familiar? You flash back to that day when your parents dropped you off at school. You wanted them to stay then hurry up and leave at the same time. You were anxious, but excited to finally get your first taste of freedom. You never thought about how your parents must be feeling. That’s karma, kid.

And while this moment may feel bittersweet today, please take a breath and remember this:

Forgive yourself for the times you messed up. The truth is you were only ever a mere mortal mom and never actually a superhero, even though that’s the ideal you’ve aspired to. You tried, sometimes you failed, but more often you won.

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Be glad for the time you’ve invested in yourself. You’ve prepared her for life outside your protective wing. But you have more living to do beyond being a mom.

Know that you aren’t going to love every decision she makes, but you will always love her. You’ve been allowed to make your share of blunders, and now you’ll stand back, hold your tongue and let her make some of her own.

Acknowledge, even if it’s just to yourself, that you’ve learned more from her than she’s ever learned from you.

Remember that mom and dad alone are not responsible for the outcome of the adult that stands before you. It took a posse of grandparents, family, friends, neighbours, educators, guide leaders, camp counselors, piano instructors, dance teachers and volunteers to help shape her. Now it’s your time to join someone else’s village.

Admit that you never actually had any power over her, even though you pretended you did. You discovered this on the sidewalk when you tried to hold her hand while she was learning to walk. She quickly batted you away and took off like lightning down the road. You realized then you’d do your best to protect her, but your idea of authority over her was never going to go as planned.

Acknowledge, even if it’s just to yourself, that you’ve learned more from her than she’s ever learned from you. She gave you the gift of walking through childhood again letting you see life through her eyes. She reminded you to think about why the sky is blue, where rainbows come from, and that sometimes fart jokes are actually kinda funny.

Now give her a hug and let her go. Because she’s ready and so are you. But know that she will always come back for laundry and loans, holidays and home cooking, advice and anniversaries. And, she’ll always need her mom.

Love,

Present Day Mom (Me)

P.S. Don’t start hinting about grandchildren until she’s at least 30.