Why Loving Your Mother-In-Law Is An Act Of Feminism

“But mother-in-laws are mean-spirited," one well-intentioned and not at all mean-spirited person said to me. Really? More than father-in-laws? Or — dare I say it — daughter-in-laws?

Can we give a little leeway to those women who gave us the ones we love?

Have we been conditioned to compete with every woman we come in contact with? There is no woman who is stronger competition for a wife than the woman who raised, snuggled and birthed their partner. We cannot pretend that this other woman hasn’t shaped the person we love. So, because of that, we fight. I say enough is enough — it’s time to join together and make the female army a bit stronger.

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We’ve been hearing MIL jokes and jibes since we were kids. They have been deemed an acceptable target. They are older and kooky and think every little thing their son or daughter does is perfection. Hmmm, sort of like me right now? I know every little thing my son and daughter do is perfection. I am also older and kooky and don’t understand these YouTube videos of toys being unwrapped.

Picture this — an army of multi-generational women, agreeing that loving each other is so much easier than finding the hairline faults.

May I suggest we love our families enough to be honest with each other, and also empathetic? Can we give a little leeway to the women who gave us the ones we love? Can we just let some stuff slide with the assumption no one meant anything by it? (But she did mean something by the bag of rags she gave me as a gift. Oh well. Family.) If you can make one tiny iota of peace with your mother-in-law, you will stabilize the peace within your own home.

I hear you out there — she doesn’t understand, her mother-in-law is probably amazing. Yes, you’re right, she is. She’s also a stubborn, opinionated woman who can do anything better than I can. However, I have always prided myself on my wonderful female friendships with incredible, capable, powerful and bossy women. Why shouldn’t I embrace the one standing right in front of me willing to bend over backwards for my family? It all comes back to that ingrained competition.

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When we accept our mother-in-laws as allies, our lives get infinitely better. We can finally understand why our partners might rely on them. Even grown-ups need reassurance from a voice of experience from time to time. We can decide to forgive and laugh with the comments about the kids’ clothes, haircuts and our porch that shall not be cleared. Why do we care if she wants to clean our house? Even if she’s thinking about what terrible housekeepers we are while she does it, it still ends up clean!

We’ve been hearing MIL jokes and jibes since we were kids. They have been deemed an acceptable target.

We have career mentors, so we should think of our MILs as family mentors. They’ve done it all before and they aren’t our actual mothers (which is a totally different article). Because they’ve done it all before is yet another reason to cut your mother-in-law some slack. As an adult, your partner probably does some pretty annoying stuff, now imagine them when they were seven. Yeah. You love her more, don’t you? Come on? A tiny bit?

We will never topple the patriarchy arguing over how to boil eggs (just me?), where to celebrate Mother’s Day (a restaurant!), how many presents are too many (just say thank you) or how dressed up is dressed up (dressed is dressed even in pyjamas, everyone knows that). But picture this — an army of multi-generational women, agreeing that loving each other is so much easier than finding the hairline faults. Mmm. Lovely. I think I have a call to make.