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Funny Tweets
(my dog from the back seat) hey you ran that grey light
"Instead of telling my husband I'm annoyed with him, I'm just gonna put strawberries in a salad."
you spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them for god's sake and please stop."
"Trying to convince my boyfriend that we could solve the problems between our two cats by getting a third cat"
WHAT'S HAPPENING
"everyones cat is gen alpha"
"The Snickerdoodle is the most sarcastic of the dog breeds"
"Had a conference with my sons math teacher and she asked if I had any questions about math and I said yes do you tutor parents?"
"My wife has us watching so many crime documentaries, I swear Ive seen a drone shot of every small-town water tower in America."
"Does anyone else talk to animals like they are going to respond?"
Every new fact I learn about Tim Walz is like he once donated his lifes savings to buying a puppy hearing aids