20 Things To Remember When Preparing To Officiate Your 1st Ceremony!

Ive had the honor of officiating almost one thousand wedding ceremonies and the #1 request I have from couples is that they want it to be personalized, they dont want it to be cookie-cutter. And thats why your friends or relatives have invited you to officiate their ceremony.

Theres much that goes in to making a ceremony not only personal but effective. Just because you know the couple does not mean that the ceremony has now automatically become personalized. You now have to create and script that ceremony.

20 easy-to-forget things to remember as you prep for your first ceremony:

1. Officiating a ceremony is an honor and a responsibility treat it as such. Be willing to commit to the time needed to write and practice.

2. There are many styles of officiating. Think back to ceremonies youve attended. What have you liked? Not liked?

3. Be prepared to listen to what the couple says and doesnt say in terms of what they want for their ceremony AND what they want from you. Couples seldom have a clear sense of how they want their ceremony to flow and feel especially when its taking place outside a church setting. Part of your job is to help them gain clarity.

4. You are not doing them a favor by agreeing to officiate their ceremony. Youre giving them the gift of a memory that will last a lifetime.

5. You are a couples rock, anchor and guide because they will be in an altered state of mind on their wedding day. People will be looking to you for centering and guidance.

6. Your words are the first words of the celebration you set the tone and for that reason, make sure you can be heard. Remember to do a mic check. Become familiar with the choreography of the mic and stand. Decide ahead of time if you will hold the mic when they say their vows, or point the mic on a stand in their direction or have them hold the mic. A lapel mic is not always reliable and the bride will never be heard, no matter how awkwardly close you lean in to her.

7. Dont lecture the couple and guests on what is marriage you are there to represent all the guests. You are the voice for the hopes and wishes that are in their hearts. If anyone present doesnt know what marriage is, theyre not going to learn it from you within the span of twenty minutes!

8. Everything that happens in a ceremony is playing out on an emotional level. Therefore, you must connect with your own emotions, with the emotions of the guests and with the emotions of the couple. A ceremony falls flat when theres no emotional connection.

9. There is a difference between a ceremony with twenty guests and one with two hundred guests. You have to play to the energy of the crowd in terms of how you speak and use non-verbals.

10. People dont know what to expect so they are concerned. It is a swirl of sights, sounds and emotions. You need to be sure that key players in the ceremony, i.e. readers, musicians, photographer, videographer all know their cues.

11. Keep it real. The couple wants YOU (at your best) to guide them through the ceremony not you imitating some kind of officiant you think they want.

12. Remember an image, a moment, an incident when you knew they were a couple for keeps. What is a wish you have for them that flows from that memory? Let that memory and that wish be your North Star, your guide, as you prep.

13. Be so prepared that its like youre simply talking with the couple and their guests and not talking at them. You can never be too prepared.

14. Trust in your script because it is what will allow you to guide the couple and their guests from beginning to end. Dont start to improvise (unless there is a mishap of some kind).

15. A ceremony is a huge balancing act because youve got to be mindful of the couple, their parental units, their relatives, along with friends of the parents, friends of the couple and possible cultural issues and potential religious concerns. The more aware you are, the more you will be able to tailor your words to your audience.

16. Find ways to involve guests because they are the real witnesses. A wedding always takes place within the context of a community even when a couple elopes.

17. Couples can and do make last minute changes so you need to be quick on your feet. You need to keep your wits about you AND your sense of humor.

18. Dress so that you compliment and do not clash with the couple.

19. The safety of the marriage license is your utmost concern. I cant stress this enough!

20. THE most important thing to remember: a ceremony is not a thing. It is an experience of people. Be generous and give them your ALL!

There is joy in realizing that you have been part of something bigger than you! That you have been able to give shape and sense to something so profound and so emotional, in a way that engages and refreshes, is an experience unlike anything else. Enjoy!

JP Reynolds, M.Div. has officiated more than one thousand weddings and has coached hundreds of people in how to create and deliver heartfelt, personalized ceremonies. If youve been invited by a friend or relative to celebrate their wedding ceremony and are wondering what to do, visit: http://ceremonymadesimple.com