Potty training is a great reminder as to why I didnt become a motivational speaker.

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5-year-old: *walks in holding the toddler's training potty* She peed! She peed!

Me: It's empty.

5: Well, it was full.

Oh, God.

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You know we are potty training because every time I pee, my toddler screams, 'YOU PEED ON THE POTTY? I'M SO PROUD OF YOU MUMMA!'

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Let It Go, is a pretty great to sing to your child as a potty training song

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Me: *to my 3-year-old* I'll have you potty trained by preschool

[a full day of training later]

Me: I'll have you potty trained by college

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Potty-training 1st kid: reward chart, underwear, sitting on potty regularly.

Potty-training subsequent kids: keep them in diapers. Repeatedly sigh and say, \"We should probably potty train you, huh?\"

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Potty training my kid, and I just made up a cheer with the word POOP in it. Burning my college degree later today.

Carrie On, Y'all (@CarrieOnYall) April 12, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Carrie On, Y'all","author_url":"https://twitter.com/CarrieOnYall","cache_age":86400,"description":"Potty training my kid, and I just made up a cheer with the word POOP in it. Burning my college degree later today. 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Joys of potty training: your toddler pointing at your lady parts, contorting her upper lip into a scowl and going, \"Eeyuuuuck!\"

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Some call it potty training but Im pretty sure my kid is reviewing restaurant bathrooms for Yelp.

OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) July 27, 2017","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"OutnumberedMother","author_url":"https://twitter.com/OutNumbMother","cache_age":86400,"description":"Some call it potty training but Im pretty sure my kid is reviewing restaurant bathrooms for Yelp. 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My 2-year-old knows the steps of potty training

But not the order

She pulls down her pants

Then walks across the house to find a bathroom

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Today alone 2yo has peed in a bag of popcorn,a toy boat, &on my bare toes- but not in his underwear, so sure, potty training is going well.

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Parenting pro tip: If you're considering repainting the walls in your bathroom, rethink that until your boys are done potty training

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If you don't know what pee socks are, you're probably not potty training a toddler.

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Whoever invented the phrase \"shit or get off the pot\" clearly was in the midst of potty training. God DAMN, kid.

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I found my 1-year-olds fully-intact apple in her training potty. Either thats her new hiding place or she has an amazing colon.

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Potty training: Because I didn't have enough laundry to do already.

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Potty training my last kid: pic.twitter.com/8kIqfENOsC

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Bought the kiddo a bag of M&Ms for potty training purposes. So far I've consumed three handfuls. What? *I* went potty.

Jill Krause (@babyrabies) February 1, 2010","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Jill Krause","author_url":"https://twitter.com/babyrabies","cache_age":86400,"description":"Bought the kiddo a bag of M&Ms for potty training purposes. So far I've consumed three handfuls. What? *I* went potty. 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Me: Gotta potty train but not sure how to start.
My Mom: There are videos you can watch.
Me: [stunned silence]
Mom: Hello?
Me: OKAY PERVERT.

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I gave my 3-year-old candy for using the potty, and she told me, \"Good job.\"

Now I'm not sure if I'm training her or she's training me.

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If your daughter fetches and hands you clean diapers, is it time to potty train?

La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) February 7, 2017","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"La Guardia Cross","author_url":"https://twitter.com/LaGuardiaCross","cache_age":86400,"description":"If your daughter fetches and hands you clean diapers, is it time to potty train? 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Potty training chairs should come w/charging stations & vending machines for the parents because of how long we have to sit next to it.

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It seems that with boy potty training comes the realization that they can now grab their business thanks to big boy underpants.

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I keep meaning to potty-train my son but I'm just too busy changing diapers.

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I told my toddler to sit on the training potty.

I came upstairs to find this

She outsourced going to the bathroom. pic.twitter.com/S97ua21kTB

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I laughed and I laughed and I laughed at my joke of calling myself a waste management engineer instead of a potty training mother. And then I cried and I cried and I cried.

Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 16, 2018","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Jennifer S. White","author_url":"https://twitter.com/yenniwhite","cache_age":86400,"description":"I laughed and I laughed and I laughed at my joke of calling myself a waste management engineer instead of a potty training mother. And then I cried and I cried and I cried. Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 16, 2018\n\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Jennifer S. 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The prospect of having to potty train my son concerns me far more than having a kid who still wears diapers in high school. So

Sorry, bro.

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You know you've waited too long to potty train when your kid starts changing their own diaper.

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\"They say children learn by example, even for potty training.\"

-I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn

Marl (@Marlebean) September 30, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Marl","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Marlebean","cache_age":86400,"description":"\"They say children learn by example, even for potty training.\" -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn Marl (@Marlebean) September 30, 2016\n\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Marl on 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Ive been trying to potty train my toddler.

She just made eye contact with me while she pooped in her diaper.

Shes the alpha now.

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Nothing says \"potty training a toddler has made me emotionally unstable\" quite like kicking an empty training potty down the basement steps.

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Potty Train Your Child In 12 Easy Years

A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 27, 2015","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"A Mancino-Williams","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Manda_like_wine","cache_age":86400,"description":"Potty Train Your Child In 12 Easy Years A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 27, 2015\n\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"A Mancino-Williams on 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How's potty training going?

I just cleaned poop out of my 2-year-old's hair.

Her. Fucking. Hair.

James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2015","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"James Breakwell","author_url":"https://twitter.com/XplodingUnicorn","cache_age":86400,"description":"How's potty training going?I just cleaned poop out of my 2-year-old's hair.Her. Fucking. Hair. 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I just tickled a potty-training toddler.

So yeah, I know danger.

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Thank goodness for potty training reward snacks. I dont know how I'd be able to keep teaching my kids if I didnt keep rewarding myself.

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Loud auto-flush toilets make potty training a breeze. The breeze is what you feel when your toddler runs screaming from the restroom, tho.

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Me: I can solve all our potty training problems.

Wife: We're not teaching our 2-year-old to go in the yard.

Me: The dog learned in a day.

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