A Car Wash for Souls

I had Christianity all wrong I thought Jesus didnt want you to sin.

Yes, if you did sin, He would forgive you. But the baseline was, Jesus was anti-sin.

Well now Christian supporters of Roy Moore and Donald Trump have shown me the error of my ways.

It turns out that His forgiveness isnt an exception its a license.

Stalking little girls? P***y-grabbing? Do it! All you have to do is show up in church of a Sunday, and you are good to go, Monday through Saturday.

Sin-sin-sin-sin-sin-sin-I love you, Jesus!-sin-sin-sin-sin-sin-sin.

Defending Roy Moore, Pastor Mark Burns explained it to Joy Reid Saturday morning: Morality isnt the only quality that makes a good leader. Even King David, he explained, had been quite a sinner, and Jesus was the only perfect man ever to walk the Earth.

And Jesus job is to forgive the rest of us.

I feel so stupid for not getting how this really works and how you can work it.

The good news is, this revelation has led me to a new business idea and Ive been checking out the Prosperity Gospel , too, so Im sure Im on the right track here.

Im calling it the Car Wash for Souls.

Check it out. You see, its great that all this sinning is allowed, but theres no need to make it so inconvenient. In the Car Wash for Souls, its all right there for you.

As you enter, theyll stick a drink in your hand and a pretty girl in your lap. And just like that, youre off, working through all the sins you can ask Jesus to eat: lust, intemperance, lying, cheating, stealing you name it.

Therell even be some you dont want to name. Well call the really embarrassing ones Mystery Sins. Theyll happen in a dark room, and no one ever has to know.

But the kicker comes at the last stop on your way out: Well have a pastor right there to forgive you! Wont take a minute; he can do it while you pay.

It cant miss.

And if it does, well sorry, investors, and I love you, Jesus!