Political insiders say Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak is now considered an early frontrunner as the Democratic nominee for the 2020 presidential election. Hes already brought down Mike Flynn and is close to doing the same to Jeff Sessions so, clearly, heres someone who knows how to take on Republicans and actually win, said Democratic Party spokesperson/wishful thinker Lucille LaPortableau. Sure, he wasnt born in the United States or anything but, you know, nowadays, we see the Constitution more as a list of friendly suggestions than as a musty old bunch of rules.

There has been no comment yet from Mr. Kislyak, who has been offered the job of hosting next seasons edition of NBCs reality competition show The Celebrity Apprentice. We look forward to working with Mr. Kislyak, said NBC publicity wrangler Ned Gallrunyan. And if Yakov Smirnoff is out there listening, you have an open invitation.