Choosing My Own Adventures, Sans Children

As I move onto writing the next chapter in the book that is my life, I choose to go into this adventure sans children, and I don’t feel guilty about it.

When my brother announced to our family that his girlfriend was pregnant two years ago I was extremely happy for him. He has always wanted to be a father and there was no doubt that parenthood would suit him. Honestly, I was also thrilled because it took the pressure off me for a little while. That may sound silly, even selfish for me to admit, but think about it – my parents have a grandson to spoil, their hands are full. No time to worry what I was doing, or not doing.

At the time of my brother’s news I was the only engaged sibling in my intermediate family, the eldest of three children, Maltese in heritage and female. This meant my life came with a few expectations – I was the getting married in five months so I should be planning to start family or at least keen on having kids. If you follow the traditional family rule book, those are the steps. I was questioned a few times, even by my brother as to when Ivan and I are starting a family. The answer was and still is no, I’m not planning a family anytime soon. At first I hesitated and laughed off such questions as I didn’t want to offend my parents. However recently I started to reply truthfully with a straight, ‘not interested right now, maybe never’ out loud. I couldn’t believe I actually said it to them, but the more I started to answer this way, the more right it felt for me and it taught me that speaking out about what I wanted was okay.

Aside from the fact that I believe that this society is a strange place to be raising children right now and that the world is overpopulated enough without my contribution, there are a number of other reasons for my decision. It has nothing to do with other people, it is all about me.

I have always wanted to live in another country and at thirty six years old I think the time is right. I have been married for over a year now and both my husband and I dream of living overseas. We feel a pull towards Europe. This year, due to having no commitments in Melbourne, we turned our overseas trip to Malta into an actual re-location. We said stuff it and decided to give our dream a proper go. In three weeks we leave Australia to set up our new life on the tiny island. Our plans are to work part time, suss out the film industry and also get some much needed writing done. I look forward to living by the sea and being close to other wonderful countries I am yet to discover like Italy, Prague and Amsterdam. I cant sop thinking about the possibilities for me as a filmmaker and writer. All my hard work and our hard work together as creatives is paying off and this is the next step.

In the two and a half years that my brother built his new family, (they recently welcomed a beautiful daughter) I too have conceived a few special achievements of my own. But these are achievements that may not seem as important to my brother or family as they are too me. To name a few highlights I would have to mention that I have worked on three independent features films, two of which are my own production companies that I helped produce, I have been published and paid as a writer, worked consistently as a life model, travelled overseas and visited Cannes Film Festival with my films, sold my short film to two distribution companies, toured with the same film through regional Victoria, generated a few sales for the same project in twenty three countries and, although not an achievement, I also married my best friend somewhere in between all that.

Imagine trying to achieve all that with a baby or two children in two years. Impossible. It would take you much longer, and that is if you can afford to give it a go after the costs involved in raising a child. Some things I did achieve would have needed to be scarified if I was planning a family two years ago. Not to mention my sanity, that would have been out the window.

Finances are another reason I am not so sweet on starting a family right now, or lack there of. Babies are damn expensive, they cost more than producing independent films and they need your attention for just as long sometimes. My husband and I dont have much money, yet we have never strived to be wealthy. At times we do wish our life was more cosy and that we had somewhere to call home for more than a year at a time, but we enjoy our gypsy life we built together and are not ready to give up the adventure for a mortgage or a baby just yet.

Sure, we have savings for our trip, money to get by in the meantime and a few grand put away for emergencies, should our relocation plan fail and we have to move home, but nothing to set up up for the next five years. I have not had an income in over six weeks and this may sound odd, but I have never been this content with myself as a person and my life until this year. I am currently house sitting two cute Beagles in a cozy mansion deep in the Dandenong Ranges and focusing my energy on finishing my novella and getting it published, while I also set up my film project and we set up our production companies feature films internationally.

Choosing to remain childless means I can have the lifestyle Ive always dreamed of and much more. My husband and I have this mutual understanding, that as long as one of us is working the other can pursue their goals. When we settle into life to Malta, I will be working to support us as I am on a duel passport and speak the language. My husband will be writing and completing our films for the American FilmMarket come November. I am cool with that and I see we are blessed to be in a position to make such decisions.

Maybe I will be living and working in Malta, and never achieve my film and writing dreams, but at least Ill know I gave it a shot. You can label me selfish for not wanting children right now, even call me immature for not having a mortgage and a steady job, but to that I say each to their own. I feel no shame, I refuse to let people make me feel guilty for not wanting to contribute in over populating of world or to mould myself to what society expects from me.

Instead I continue to work on making this world a little brighter with my art in the hope of leaving some sort of legacy for the next generation, even if I wont be contributing to it physically as a mother just yet.

Who knows, maybe in a few years I will feel differently about the state of the world, society and my place within it and want to have a child and a mortgage. I am just not feeling it right now.