On a normal day, Dakota Johnson incites high levels of bang envy. Hers are a special breed theyre the perfect length, thickness and placement. Somehow both youthful and sexy, effortlessly chic, of another time and also right now. Theyre the kind of bangs you bring photos of to the salon, where your stylist is inevitably then forced to manage expectations.

As writer Rachel Syme put it, the bangs every woman thinks shes getting when she thinks maybe I should get bangs.

But to see them looking the way they look while were all in lockdown, left to our own devices and bereft of a stylists chair and better judgment?

Its an attack, is what it is.