Dear World: You Will NOT Destroy My Daughter

Ive struggled with my body image for most of my life. Even when I was young and athletic and super-fit, I struggled, because the battle was in my mind, not on a scale. I struggled when I went through early puberty while my friends were still sporting girlish figures. I struggled when my thighs were solid-but-muscular because, although I was a star soccer player, I didnt want to look like one. I struggled when I put on pounds my junior year of high school due to depression, and I struggled when I got married at 19 to the worlds most amazing man because, amazing as he was, I was sure hed wake up one day and realize he wasnt attracted to me. I struggled so much that at 22 I found myself smack dab in the middle of an eating disorder. I thought it would fix everything, but when I was at my thinnest, my most fit, the struggle only intensified. I thought a 120-something number on my scale would end the struggle once and for all, but no.

Now Im a 34-year-old mother of three. My body is soft where it once was hard, and I have a solid one-pack that jiggles when I jump. Im pretty sure my knees sport some cellulite, and I havent seen a 120-something number on my scale in 14 years. The truth is, I still struggle, but not nearly as much as I used to. I think this is mainly due to my understanding that life is too short to waste it away on such temporary things.

That, and the fact that I have a nine-year-old daughter who doesnt know that shes quickly approaching a lions den she doesnt even realize exists. She doesnt know that the fight of her life is coming, like it or not, and that theres an entire world standing armed and ready to tell her shes not enough unless she looks like a fallen Disney child star.

I will not have it. Will you?

Its easy to feel like we as mothers are fighting a losing battle when it comes to cultures perspective on beauty. Sex sells, and its everywhere, demanding our daughters innocence in exchange for acceptance and affirmation. In a culture that prides itself on the advancements weve made in the area of womens rights, its amazing how we simultaneously accept the overt sexualization of our girls. We want to be taken seriously and treated as mens equals, yet we celebrate this:

Were talking out of both sides of our mouths, and its disgusting.

So, HANDS OFF.

Thats what Im here to tell the world respecting my daughter. Dont you dare touch her. At nine, shes everything I wish I had been as a kid: confident, outgoing, funny, kind. Shes approaching puberty, which will hit her early as it did me. She has tiny girl-breasts and dimples on her tummy. Shes fierce and strong and well on her way to earning her black belt in karate. She loves to play soccer, and she loves bread. She rides her bike and plays outside and eats popcorn while watching her favorite movies. She wears mismatched patterns and clothes that are comfy and she doesnt have a care in the world.

If you, World, take that away from her, Ill hunt you down I will be your worst nightmare.

I know Im not the only mama who feels this way, the only one who isnt willing to raise my daughter to settle for impossible standards that are somehow set by a distorted, broken world. There are many of us, an army even. And we have two choices when it comes to how we respond on behalf of our girls.

We can mope and moan and decry the injustices of society, resigning ourselves to raising daughters that will struggle with their bodies and their beauty as they grow up amidst the corruption and lies. We can feed the beast by funding their trashy clothing and spray tans and plastic surgery. We can help them fit in by making fashion forwardness the utmost priority. We can hate our own selves so loudly that we teach our daughters to believe beauty is only skin deep and that the worst thing in the world would be to grow up and look like Mom.

Or.

We can revolt. Together. We can celebrate our daughters uniqueness and individuality and innocence and effectively shut down the culture that desperately longs to prey on them. We can quit buying 11-year-olds sexy clothing and shorts that leave nothing to the imagination, and we can teach our girls that life is way more fun when youre not overly concerned with appearances.

We can remind them that whats most important is to be strong and healthy, because one day their able bodies are going to take them amazing places. Oh, and we can definitely quit using terms like skinny and fat and thigh gap. We can teach them that food is meant to nourish and equip, but that its also here to enjoy and indulge in every so often.

Can you even imagine if our daughters could maintain a healthy relationship with food?

We can remind them that its not a bad thing if boys arent interested in them right now, because boys are complicated and fickle and not worth their time until later in life. As a mom of two boys, I say this with some authority.

No, the world wont destroy my daughter. Im choosing to believe that she has what it takes to walk through her formidable years differently than I did, and I am going to be there to cheer her on, encouraging her to be her own, awesome, unique self all the way.

Want to join me?

XO Jordan

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