For most of her life, Emily Morehead enjoyed a close relationship with her mother, turning to her for pregnancy and early parenting advice when Morehead had her first child. But when her mother got into an unhealthy relationship that started to affect Moreheads ability to be the kind of mother and partner she wanted to be, she made the difficult decision to become estranged.

There was a moment seven years ago when things crystallized for Morehead. Her phone started ringing it was her mother calling and her 9-month-old baby immediately began wailing.

That was the moment I decided estrangement was the right move for me, said Morehead, co-owner of The Couch Therapy in Texas and a licensed professional counselor with a certification in perinatal mental health.

I think every time I had picked up the phone, I would then cry or I would be in emotional upheaval. Now my child, at 9 months old, can feel my emotional disregulation. It was a choice I made at the time for him, but I really think, in choosing him, I also chose myself.

Estrangement between adult children and their parents has gotten more attention in recent years. Mainstream publications, including Vogue , Cosmopolitan and The Atlantic , have covered the subject, and on TikTok, #NoContactFamily videos explore the many reasons these relationships end, such as a parents addiction, refusal to seek treatment for a mental illness, abuse, neglect, choosing career over family, a breakdown of trust, or a parent failing to take the time to get to know their child.

Some reports suggest the number of Americans severing ties with their parents is on the rise. According to a 2022 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family , about one-quarter of American adults were estranged from their fathers, and 6% were estranged from their mothers.

Being A Motherless Mother

Estrangement from a parent is hard enough. But mothering a child when you dont have a mother yourself is a grind. I should know: I made the same decision as Morehead almost nine years ago, after decades of struggles with my own mother.

Though ending our relationship ultimately helped me get myself and my life back on track, I still have really hard days; Mothers Day is especially brutal. Trying to mother someone else when I have no one to mother me no mom to call when my child is sick and crying, no grandmother to celebrate my sons big wins and milestones can be agonizing.

The pain is understandable, I think; parental estrangement is what Morehead calls an ambiguous loss. You experience grief, may be flooded by it, but there are no grief rituals to help you process that loss or help others understand why youre in so much pain. Its confusing, and like any grieving process, the pain can look different from day to day.

For motherless mothers, raising your children can be a daily reminder of the wounds of your childhood and the absence of your own mom. Still, according to therapists specializing in family estrangement, there are ways for moms without moms to survive and even thrive.