The FONDE Nature of Soul Proprietorship

Back in 2004 I had an idea, which became a dream and a vision that I shared with many wonderful people over the years. Life went on and at the beginning of 2009, when I joined Facebook as an employee, I seeded my idea as a page on the platform . . . it was a first small step (and more of a mandate as a strategist for me to understand how to build a brand on the platform and drive engagement) but I wanted more. I wanted to create physical things . . . I wanted the full vision realized, but I still couldnt see how. Even when, years later, I created some space in my life to think and create, I started working on other business plans. I wrote two plans: one on maternity leave, and the other after I quit my VC job, post Facebook. I was bubbling with new ideas and a desire to do something, but I was lost and got nowhere.

Then something awful happenedI hit rock bottom and felt an Eat Pray Love kind of true despair. But I channeled my inner Gilbert and reconnected with a coach who had worked with me at Facebook. She pulled me out of that deep dark place and coached me back to my original 2004 idea to give birth to it.

It was a tough pregnancy, but literally in nine months I wrote and published a book packaged with a product. It was kind of nuts . . . my son was 15 months old at the time and Im not sure how I did it. Drivewhether it comes from a good or sad or crazy placecan be an amazing and humbling thing. I have to say, I am still astounded by the speed at which I created and launched Indian Spicebox in November 2014.

Here are 4 things Ive learned so far:

1. Meet FONDE. And no its not a delicious cheesy dip.

My business is just over two years old, and Ive just relaunched my product. We have funded over 25,000 plates of hot nutritious food, and I still have a ton to do. I am learning something new every day and am examining how to scale while questioning if I even want to...how big is big, and how small is small? These are the fun questions running through my brain. I am drowning in to-do lists and plans and owning a small business induces a case of extreme FONDE. Thats the Fear of Not Doing Enough. The struggle that many passionate and ambitious individuals deal with everyday (and I have discussed this with many small business owners) is that no matter what, you always feel like you arent doing enough. Once you know and accept FONDE, you can learn to live with it.

2. Loneliness, People & Patience.

During my VC stint, while speaking with startup teams and entrepreneurs, I would ask founders to talk about their journey and often they would bring up loneliness. I didnt get it then, but I do now.

Having a job, walking into an office, talking to other people, teams, HR, boss, colleagues, even the receptionist . . . this banterthis exchange of words, any damn words, taken for granted by so manyis missing for many of us sitting alone at a desk. There is no one who says brilliant one, Namita! or even nice try, kid. You may even be sitting in a vaguely hipsterish coworking space, but you have your headphones on and ultimately all those thoughts, decisions and ideas floating around in your head are solely yours.

If youre lucky, you will have a good co-founder or partners or even vendors to support you and collaborate with. I have been extremely fortunate to have an extremely dedicated creative partner who is positive, takes ownership, listens and dishes out great executable ideas. I have worked with some very talented individuals whom I can rely on. You cant do this shit alone. Unfortunately, there are also some very awful people you will encounter, people who dont give a damn about you or your business and/or are, please forgive me here, just really daft. They will bring out your ugly cry but you will learn a lot from them and they will ultimately make you make you more patient and accepting of your three year olds tantrums.

Having worked at companies like Ogilvy and Facebook gets you accustomed to a very high operating standard of people around you, and this dealing with all-sorts-of-humans business was a rude wakeup call for me. Im talking sleazy spice traders in India, angry factory owner in China kind of stuff . . . many of these folks dont even speak a word of English.

3. Soul not Sole.

They werent kidding when they created the term sole proprietor. How about soul proprietor? It doesnt stop ever, this proprietorship of the soul. The all-encompassing, all-consuming nature of running a business means that you are blessed or cursed with endless thoughts, a bottomless bucket of ideas, crazy notions, a vision that wont rest, a mind that doesnt switch off, and screens that own you. There is no black and white, no coming in late or leaving early, and youre always thinking about this thing that youve put your money, soul, savings, sweat and tears into. You wear multiple hats, your left brain fights with your right, and everything is personal . . . the fails (there are plenty) and the wins (fewer) are yours to scar and cherish. Your business is like a skin you wear and again, massive FONDE. Plus FOMO (fear of missing out) on a regular job is always lurking just a few thoughts away. It is much easier to show up to an office full of clever adults each day, share ideas, work hard, go home, play with the kids, talk to the husband and actually get paid! Every small business owner, at least once a week, likely questions everything they are doing and considers getting a regular job.

4. But what could be more fulfilling?

Its the name of the game, kids. And flexibility. Two positive Fs for you to consider. Look, I wouldnt change a thing. Yes, this is just the beginning for me, baby steps . . . I have some major prioritizing to do and strategies to figure out but Ive created something that has purpose and meaning. Im working from home watching my kid grow up, jetting off whenever I want, for work, for fun, to see the kids in Vrindavan, to source new products. Im writing, meeting amazing small business owners at events and fairs, teaching people how to cook flavorful food for their families. Im learning to negotiate, be more confident, patient and live with imperfection. I can wake up and say things like all Im going to do is write today (I wish I could do that more often) but even the freedom of being able to have those thoughts is incredibly liberating.

Our buddy FONDE tends to make feelings of fulfilment fewer to come by and you can probably guess that I dont have much fondness for FONDE even though it can be madly motivating, it takes away from the sense of satisfaction and gratification that we need to go on with this path. Sometimes its good to just stop for a minute to be happy and grateful for everything youve done so far. I did say a minute!