This is part of This Made Me, a HuffPost series paying tribute to the formative pop culture in our lives. Read more stories from the series here .
R&B saint Frank Ocean told a lot of lies in his 2012 song Thinkin Bout You. His whimsical lyrics cheekily spoke of having beach houses in Idaho and fighter jets he couldnt fly. But the one lie that struck the most dissonant chord within me was denying his feelings for the man he was in love with, which he later rectified in the songs chorus.
Oceans ode to a life-changing love made me realize that I was trying to tell a similar lie to myself. It also made me reflect more on my sexuality than any piece of art had ever done. With Thinkin Bout You marking its 10-year anniversary in 2022, I cant help but ponder even more how one song changed the entire course of my life and gave me the strength to be someone I thought I could never be.
2012 was one of the most formative years of my life. I was approaching my senior year of college and struggling to figure out which direction to go professionally. I was also having a hard time coming to terms with my sexuality. After a set of tumultuous flings, I was finally in a relationship and experiencing what it was like to give and receive love from a man.
I was happy but hidden. I was ashamed of myself and was struggling to understand emotions that felt natural in a society that said otherwise. Like many Black queer kids raised in the church, I could sense that there were others like me. But I couldnt see models of young men like me who were completely themselves: unhinged from the shackles of homophobia and dancing in the light of Black queer boy joy.
That lack of representation in my community and within the media (save for the gem Noahs Arc ) reinforced my distance from and confusion over an identity that I didnt know how to navigate. It was as if a broken compass was leading me farther from the true happiness I needed. Unfortunately, that lack of direction drove a wedge between me and my family, my friends, and eventually, the man I had fallen for.
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