Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
One person in a marriage gets to the airport extra early and the other person gets into the shower two hours before his flight is supposed to leave and gives the first person anxiety
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 6, 2024"}">One person in a marriage gets to the airport extra early and the other person gets into the shower two hours before his flight is supposed to leave and gives the first person anxiety
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 6, 2024
My wife asked me if I have plans for the weekend. It's like she doesn't even read my weekly newsletter.
— Dad Moon Rising (@raoulvilla) September 4, 2024"}">My wife asked me if I have plans for the weekend. It's like she doesn't even read my weekly newsletter.
— Dad Moon Rising (@raoulvilla) September 4, 2024
I don't like the person I become when I ask my husband to do something and he tells me hell do it later.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) September 4, 2024"}">I don't like the person I become when I ask my husband to do something and he tells me hell do it later.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) September 4, 2024
My husband found my hiding spot for my treats and ate some of my Reese's peanut butter cups, and this is how my villain origin story begins.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) September 4, 2024"}">My husband found my hiding spot for my treats and ate some of my Reese's peanut butter cups, and this is how my villain origin story begins.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) September 4, 2024
Can someone please help my eight year-old dog understand that every time my husband hugs me it is not a violent attack for which I need immediate protection?
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) September 5, 2024"}">Can someone please help my eight year-old dog understand that every time my husband hugs me it is not a violent attack for which I need immediate protection?
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) September 5, 2024
tad speechless. husband just woke me up from my football nap by holding a warm piece of pizza under my nose until the smell got me sniffing and twitching like a dog. I cant believe that worked
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) September 8, 2024"}">tad speechless. husband just woke me up from my football nap by holding a warm piece of pizza under my nose until the smell got me sniffing and twitching like a dog. I cant believe that worked
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) September 8, 2024
Fire island is about kissing your cute friends while your husband kisses his cute friends
— The Jay Agenda (@JayJurden) September 7, 2024"}">Fire island is about kissing your cute friends while your husband kisses his cute friends
— The Jay Agenda (@JayJurden) September 7, 2024
Me: [watching football]
Wife: [silently reading a book for three quarters of the game]
Announcer: That was a huge sack!
Wife: BAHAHAHA HUGE SACK
Me: [watching football]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 8, 2024
Wife: [silently reading a book for three quarters of the game]
Announcer: That was a huge sack!
Wife: BAHAHAHA HUGE SACK
When my husband clears the table, I say goodbye to those items because there's a good chance Ill never find them again.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) September 6, 2024"}">When my husband clears the table, I say goodbye to those items because there's a good chance Ill never find them again.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) September 6, 2024
My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, "do it yourself."
— Emma Beasley (@JustBeingEmma) September 4, 2024"}">My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, "do it yourself."
— Emma Beasley (@JustBeingEmma) September 4, 2024
Reached that level of marriage where Im basically just a chauffeur for my wife and her Stanley cups.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 7, 2024"}">Reached that level of marriage where Im basically just a chauffeur for my wife and her Stanley cups.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 7, 2024
I dont like the person I become when my husband finds my secret stash of Circus Animal cookies.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 4, 2024"}">I dont like the person I become when my husband finds my secret stash of Circus Animal cookies.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 4, 2024
Are you there, countertop, floor, random surface, top of the clothes dryer, side table, chair, and shower? It's me, one of my wife's hair ties.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 5, 2024"}">Are you there, countertop, floor, random surface, top of the clothes dryer, side table, chair, and shower? It's me, one of my wife's hair ties.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 5, 2024
*gets up from couch after laying on it with eyes closed for 30 minutes*
Me: I'm going to take a nap.
Husband: Wasn't that just what you were doing?
Me: That was a pre-nap. Time for the real thing.
*gets up from couch after laying on it with eyes closed for 30 minutes*
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) September 7, 2024
Me: I'm going to take a nap.
Husband: Wasn't that just what you were doing?
Me: That was a pre-nap. Time for the real thing.
*Googles his and hers adhd diagnoses
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) September 9, 2024"}">*Googles his and hers adhd diagnoses
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) September 9, 2024
My husband invited my ex husband over to watch games with us and the kids because we have the NFL Sunday Ticket. Youtube tv really out here bringing families together.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 8, 2024"}">My husband invited my ex husband over to watch games with us and the kids because we have the NFL Sunday Ticket. Youtube tv really out here bringing families together.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 8, 2024
Me: Do that thing I like.
Husband: *pulls out fall decorations from storage*
Me: Do that thing I like.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) September 9, 2024
Husband: *pulls out fall decorations from storage*
Its Friday night, get yourself to bed before your other half so you can make sure that youre taking up just a bit more room than you should and be too fast asleep to move over. You deserve it.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) September 6, 2024"}">Its Friday night, get yourself to bed before your other half so you can make sure that youre taking up just a bit more room than you should and be too fast asleep to move over. You deserve it.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) September 6, 2024
Three days ago I forgot to start the discussion with my wife about what to get for dinner tonight so now we aren't eating.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 6, 2024"}">Three days ago I forgot to start the discussion with my wife about what to get for dinner tonight so now we aren't eating.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 6, 2024
My husband watched an episode of a terrible show about witches and vampires on Netflix and now our algorithm is forever ruined. I feel like I'm entitled to compensation.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) September 9, 2024"}">My husband watched an episode of a terrible show about witches and vampires on Netflix and now our algorithm is forever ruined. I feel like I'm entitled to compensation.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) September 9, 2024
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