My 5 year old son just asked me how I know his name... I'm not in the mood today

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Im gonna cut the wall out of the house and other threats my kid makes that I really want to respond to with, go ahead, I wanna see you try

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Its pi day and my daughter asked if Id take her to school early for math games so after school Im taking her for a dna test.

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So I follow this absolutely gorgeous lesbian couple on Instagram, and I was scrolling through their wedding photos. My 5yo daughter looked over at my phone and sighed, Ohhh she married a girl, that is SUCH a SMART choice.

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It's sad when our families don't appreciate all the things we moms do for them. For instance, my husband has not once thanked me today for providing him with up-to-the-minute coverage on the Kensington Palace photo conspiracy.

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That feeling when your kid steps on the toy they refused to clean up.

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i gotta stop telling my daughter white ppl crazy cus we was at the park yesterday and she yelled OH MY GOD ITS A WHITE BOY BY ME

ci (@cicireion) March 13, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"ci ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/cicireion","cache_age":86400,"description":"i gotta stop telling my daughter white ppl crazy cus we was at the park yesterday and she yelled OH MY GOD ITS A WHITE BOY BY ME ci (@cicireion) March 13, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"ci on Twitter / 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My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like Im going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

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My 14yo not only told me she didnt like her name, but presented me with a list of alternate names she would have preferred, so good luck expecting parents!

SpacedMom (@copymama) March 12, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"SpacedMom","author_url":"https://twitter.com/copymama","cache_age":86400,"description":"My 14yo not only told me she didnt like her name, but presented me with a list of alternate names she would have preferred, so good luck expecting parents! 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Im sorry, but owning a pet and being a parent are not the same. Your lizard did not tell you that you sucked today.

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Me: My god, we have never-ending laundry.
My son, 8: Well maybe that wouldnt happen if you all stopped getting me CLOTHES for my birthday.

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Asked my 6yo what he was trying to catch because he's pretending to fish, and his answer was sushi

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My daughter: mom you dont need makeup, youre beautiful already

Also my daughter: are you sure you wanna wear that?

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My niece calls provolone leave me alone cheeseand I honestly dont know why we would have ever dreamed of calling it something else

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have kids so they can wake you up at 2 am to inform you that theyre bored.

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Whenever I tweet about my 3yo being challenging theres ALWAYS someone who is like my 3yo was not challenging at all, they were sweet and smart and perfect and its because I took them outside. And Im always like ohhhh sorry I keep mine in a box in the basement, cant relate

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Why do you always get to go do the fun things? my son asked, as I was leaving for the grocery store.

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I married the perfect man though because every time the kids have tried to stampede into the living room tonight he has intercepted them and sent them away and I just heard him say Your mother is watching the Oscars LET HER HAVE HER ONE THING.

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We are not gonna have a morning like yesterday! I delusionally say to my kids moments before we have a morning like yesterdayevery. single. day.

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