APPARENTLY when youre playing the floor is lava with your child it is bad form to lay down on the floor and allow the lava to consume you. I know this now

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My daughter got a label maker from a relative for Christmas and it is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Not sure what I'm going to do when she actually learns to spell properly. pic.twitter.com/a0MlWUXFdA

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9yo: Do you prefer chocolate or vanilla?
Me: Depends on the day
9yo: Lets say its a Tuesday

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for maybe the last month my son has been asking for pop pop. every meal/snack he asks for pop pop. no idea what it was tried popcorn, pasta, cereal. none of them pop pop. last night he found a pomegranate. we were like is this pop pop? and he made a sound of total triumph

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Me: 1yo's little baby legs are so chonky and sweet. I want to eat them.

3yo: Mommy, NO. We do NOT EAT PEOPLE.

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My 5yo was trying to convince me to do something and said if you dont do it Im gonna go to my room and go to sleep! Not the threat she thought it was

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11: wanna hear my duck call sound I can make?

me: yeah!

11: [cups his hands in the shape of making a duck call sound, releases two fingers in the air, takes a deep breath and..]

11: come here duck.

me: dammit you got me.

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Me, on the phone with my 10 yo whos at camp:

Hows the food?

Her: Eh. Theres no feta and no olives. And the olive oil doesnt taste good.

Me, , holding back tears of pride knowing I raised her right with Greek food:

Thats my girl!

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My daughter was really excited to surprise her cousin with a sleepover at the end of their playdate, so after an elaborate plan, written script, and forced rehearsals so no one forgot their lines, she told her within 10 seconds of getting in the car

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Took our 10y/o to a Led Zeppelin cover band and afterwards he says to usI like how all their songs are all lala lala then all of a sudden they scream AYAYAYAYAYAYAY then they just go back to lala lala again.

My godnailed them

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Saw another dad getting ice at the beach gas station this morning. He said it looked like it was going to be a hot one today. I replied that it already was and just hope we have a breeze today. Just two dads out in the wild living the dream.

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My teen hasnt finished cleaning her room but she did prepare a PowerPoint for why she needs her own Instagram account.

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My daughter ate a peach earlier at my parents house and has now been crying for them so my husband just went to the store to solely get peaches

What are the odds she wants nothing to do with peaches when he gets back????

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Places my kid likes to lay down:

His bed:

Floor of the Walmart bathroom:

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5 minutes after my kid gets new markers pic.twitter.com/xvKvnZGK57

meghan (@deloisivete) June 29, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"meghan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/deloisivete","cache_age":86400,"description":"5 minutes after my kid gets new markers pic.twitter.com/xvKvnZGK57 meghan (@deloisivete) June 29, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"meghan on Twitter / 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My girls are watching The Babysitters Club on Netflix and my husband made the mistake of asking why Mary Anne can't babysit after dark and now he has to listen to my two hour presentation of the Spier family history.

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my daughter announced that I am the better parent.

my husband: why her?! what criteria are you using?

Kid: um, safety?

my husband: what?! when did I ever let you die?

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Me: *I wake up early morning*

Toddler [Sitting in my bed]: Im peeing myself.

So potty training is going well. How was your morning, folks?

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someone please make popsicles for toddlers that they can eat like corn on the cob, i'm begging you.

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