Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X , the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
if there is a particular food you would like your children to eat less, just go buy a massive box of it at Costco
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Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) September 25, 2024
I fell off a podium in front of 200 people after doing a reading at my uncles funeral, hobbled back to my pew with a swollen sprained ankle, sat down turned to my son and he asked me for a snack
Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 24, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Mom Jeans","author_url":"https://twitter.com/momjeansplease","cache_age":86400,"description":"I fell off a podium in front of 200 people after doing a reading at my uncles funeral, hobbled back to my pew with a swollen sprained ankle, sat down turned to my son and he asked me for a snack Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 24, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Mom Jeans on Twitter / 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Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 24, 2024
My brother drank a bourbon and challenged my kids to Mario Kart. My kids are about to learn how annoying it is to lose to my brother when he's drunk.
Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 25, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Laura Marie","author_url":"https://twitter.com/lmegordon","cache_age":86400,"description":"My brother drank a bourbon and challenged my kids to Mario Kart. My kids are about to learn how annoying it is to lose to my brother when he's drunk. 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My kids are about to learn how annoying it is to lose to my brother when he's drunk.
Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 25, 2024
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My 6yo fell and got a big bump on his forehead, so he's right on schedule for school picture day
meghan (@deloisivete) September 25, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"meghan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/deloisivete","cache_age":86400,"description":"My 6yo fell and got a big bump on his forehead, so he's right on schedule for school picture day meghan (@deloisivete) September 25, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"meghan on Twitter / 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meghan (@deloisivete) September 25, 2024
The pediatrician: What do you eat at your house?
My 5yo: MOSTLY NACHOS
Me: I mean, that's not ALL we eat, hon.
5yo: YOU ARE RIGHT. WE ALSO EAT COSTCO PIZZA
The pediatrician: What do you eat at your house?
Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) September 26, 2024
My 5yo: MOSTLY NACHOS
Me: I mean, that's not ALL we eat, hon.
5yo: YOU ARE RIGHT. WE ALSO EAT COSTCO PIZZA
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I love when my kids get along and play nicely together and are so kind to each other. Its the best 60 seconds of my day.
That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 22, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"That Mom Tho","author_url":"https://twitter.com/mom_tho","cache_age":86400,"description":"I love when my kids get along and play nicely together and are so kind to each other. Its the best 60 seconds of my day. 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Its the best 60 seconds of my day.
That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 22, 2024
A mom complimented my dress, so I did what I was supposed to do and told her where I got it. But then her friend rolled her eyes and said, look whos name dropping, and I dont understand what just happened here.
krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 24, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"krista pacion","author_url":"https://twitter.com/kristabellerina","cache_age":86400,"description":"A mom complimented my dress, so I did what I was supposed to do and told her where I got it. 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But then her friend rolled her eyes and said, look whos name dropping, and I dont understand what just happened here.
krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 24, 2024
Advertisement
Ive spent a small fortune on my kids through the years.
My son bought me a $1 coke at McDonalds & would like to be immediately paid back.
Ive spent a small fortune on my kids through the years.
Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 25, 2024
My son bought me a $1 coke at McDonalds & would like to be immediately paid back.
My husband just got a new job so he got sent some COBRA forms in the mail.
Husband: We dont actually need COBRA, though, my health insurance already started.
4yo: YES WE DO NEED A COBRA
My husband just got a new job so he got sent some COBRA forms in the mail.
Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 25, 2024
Husband: We dont actually need COBRA, though, my health insurance already started.
4yo: YES WE DO NEED A COBRA
4yo walked in the house after school, dropped her pants, sighed like she just finished a 9-5, and then spent the afternoon lounging on the couch in her underwear. Guess shes ready for adulthood.
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Guess shes ready for adulthood.
MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) September 25, 2024
\"Ai is coming for your job\" I'd like to see Ai quit a paid gig to take care of its tiny Ai offspring and cry every day
sarah (@sarahradz_) September 26, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"sarah","author_url":"https://twitter.com/sarahradz_","cache_age":86400,"description":"\"Ai is coming for your job\" I'd like to see Ai quit a paid gig to take care of its tiny Ai offspring and cry every day sarah (@sarahradz_) September 26, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"sarah on Twitter / 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sarah (@sarahradz_) September 26, 2024
Advertisement
The tenth circle of hell is swimming birthday parties that require the parents in the pool.
I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 21, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"I Hide From My Kids","author_url":"https://twitter.com/IHideFromMyKids","cache_age":86400,"description":"The tenth circle of hell is swimming birthday parties that require the parents in the pool. 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I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 21, 2024
I hate when my kid uses my words against me, like when I make dinner and she wont eat it even though its delicious, and then she lectures me on how different people have different tastes
Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 24, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Real Life Mommy","author_url":"https://twitter.com/reallifemommy3","cache_age":86400,"description":"I hate when my kid uses my words against me, like when I make dinner and she wont eat it even though its delicious, and then she lectures me on how different people have different tastes Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 24, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Real Life Mommy on Twitter / 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Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 24, 2024
Thinking about when I got to the hospital to give birth and the doctor asked when the contractions started and I said \"11:48\" and he laughed and said \"Wow, so specific. 11:48 and how many seconds?\" and I'm just saying that man is lucky to be alive.
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Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 25, 2024
All dads know you never call in an order for Mexican takeout. You go there, sit at the bar, place your order, and enjoy a beer in peace.
Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Simon Holland","author_url":"https://twitter.com/simoncholland","cache_age":86400,"description":"All dads know you never call in an order for Mexican takeout. You go there, sit at the bar, place your order, and enjoy a beer in peace. 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You go there, sit at the bar, place your order, and enjoy a beer in peace.
Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2024
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My grandparents had the coolest sayings like youre the bees knees and then my kids are like dont be so skibidi toilet rizz.
@itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 24, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"@itssherifield","author_url":"https://twitter.com/itssherifield","cache_age":86400,"description":"My grandparents had the coolest sayings like youre the bees knees and then my kids are like dont be so skibidi toilet rizz. @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 24, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"@itssherifield on Twitter / 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@itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 24, 2024
My 6yo is now spelling long words, so I jokingly asked if she could spell Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and I played the song on Alexa. When she heard it, she told Alexa to stop the music, just to ask me How old are you?
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When she heard it, she told Alexa to stop the music, just to ask me How old are you?
My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) September 24, 2024
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parenting book: organization is the key
my wife: *starts alphabetizing the wine*
parenting book: organization is the key
Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 24, 2024
my wife: *starts alphabetizing the wine*
If I ever cant find my kids, Ill just go sit on the toilet, theyre guaranteed to find me there.
One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 23, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"One Awkward Mom","author_url":"https://twitter.com/oneawkwardmom","cache_age":86400,"description":"If I ever cant find my kids, Ill just go sit on the toilet, theyre guaranteed to find me there. One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 23, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"One Awkward Mom on Twitter / 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One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 23, 2024
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my teenagers' vibe can be best explained as 'selective hearing' meets 'endless appetite' with a dash of 'I know everything' seasoning.
Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 25, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Dadman Walking","author_url":"https://twitter.com/dadmann_walking","cache_age":86400,"description":"my teenagers' vibe can be best explained as 'selective hearing' meets 'endless appetite' with a dash of 'I know everything' seasoning. 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Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 25, 2024
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