Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: I don't know why my kids are so competitive!
Also me: Hey kids, Let's turn everything into a race so you'll do it faster.
Me: I don't know why my kids are so competitive!
Meredith (@PerfectPending) December 7, 2016
Also me: Hey kids, Let's turn everything into a race so you'll do it faster.
4-year-old: *makes a toy car do flips*
Me: Real cars don't do that.
4: They will for me.
I'll let my wife teach her to drive.
4-year-old: *makes a toy car do flips*
James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 8, 2016
Me: Real cars don't do that.
4: They will for me.
I'll let my wife teach her to drive.
Hey thanks for mailing me a hard copy of your family Christmas photo that you already posted on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
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mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 6, 2016
My love for my kids is infinite.
My patience, energy, time, cash, and coffee supply are not.
Sincerely,
Every parent ever
My love for my kids is infinite.
Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 7, 2016
My patience, energy, time, cash, and coffee supply are not.
Sincerely,
Every parent ever
6yo: I don't like being by myself!
Me: I do.
6yo: When were you alone?
M: The last time was about six years ago.
*stares son down*
6yo: I don't like being by myself!
Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 8, 2016
Me: I do.
6yo: When were you alone?
M: The last time was about six years ago.
*stares son down*
My kids got off to school this morning without crying so it looks like I got my Christmas miracle a little early.
Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 6, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Sarcastic Mommy","author_url":"https://twitter.com/sarcasticmommy4","cache_age":86400,"description":"My kids got off to school this morning without crying so it looks like I got my Christmas miracle a little early.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 6, 2016\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Sarcastic Mommy on 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Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 6, 2016
Isn't dealing with kids in the morning impossible enough without adding a treasure hunt for an Elf doll?
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,"topic":{"title":"Twitter","slug":"twitter","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://action.news/life/topic/twitter"},{"name":"best 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Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) December 8, 2016
Parenthood for $800.
Alex: The answer is EVERY DAY.
Me: What is \"How often do my kids break things?\"
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild.
Parenthood for $800.
Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 9, 2016
Alex: The answer is EVERY DAY.
Me: What is "How often do my kids break things?"
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild.
1st child goals: all food is homemade, do several Mommy and Me classes, hover so she doesn't get hurt
2nd: get most of lint off fruit snack
1st child goals: all food is homemade, do several Mommy and Me classes, hover so she doesn't get hurt
Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) December 5, 2016
2nd: get most of lint off fruit snack
When I was a kid I would never have believed how much parenting in 2016 involves finding missing iPad chargers.
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Mamatoga (@Mamatoga) December 6, 2016
Just once, I want to wake up with the same sense of renewed optimism my 5yo has as he requests candy for breakfast for the 25th day in a row
Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 6, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Lurkin' Mom","author_url":"https://twitter.com/LurkAtHomeMom","cache_age":86400,"description":"Just once, I want to wake up with the same sense of renewed optimism my 5yo has as he requests candy for breakfast for the 25th day in a row— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 6, 2016\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Lurkin' Mom on 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Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 6, 2016
I love that cute married thing we do where we can't wait until he gets home from work & I put kids to bed so we can talk about work & kids.
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Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 6, 2016
I've reached the point in parenting where I look forward to going to the dentist as if it's a spa day.
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Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 9, 2016
When you're trying to parent but your kids are too jacked up on Christmas cheer. pic.twitter.com/mgvNclqVDF
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Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 5, 2016
My kids tried to teach me how to play Pokmon. As far as I can tell the rules are there are no rules and I'm always supposed to lose.
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As far as I can tell the rules are there are no rules and I'm always supposed to lose.
The Daddy Complex (@thedaddycomplex) December 8, 2016
Get one of those pre-lit trees where you can change the color of the lights, so your kids can have more festive arguments this Christmas.
Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 5, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Sara Says Stop","author_url":"https://twitter.com/PetrickSara","cache_age":86400,"description":"Get one of those pre-lit trees where you can change the color of the lights, so your kids can have more festive arguments this Christmas.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 5, 2016\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Sara Says Stop on 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Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 5, 2016
When my kid's being a total Cranky McCrankyface I've streamlined my response to a flat stare and saying \"Christmas. Presents.\"
Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) December 9, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Andy Herald","author_url":"https://twitter.com/AndyHerald","cache_age":86400,"description":"When my kid's being a total Cranky McCrankyface I've streamlined my response to a flat stare and saying "Christmas. 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"topic":{"title":"Twitter","slug":"twitter","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://action.news/life/topic/twitter"},{"name":"best 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Presents."
Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) December 9, 2016
My toddler realized I keep my feminine products hidden & assumed they must be treasure.
She's been guarding a box of tampons all night.
My toddler realized I keep my feminine products hidden & assumed they must be treasure.
Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 8, 2016
She's been guarding a box of tampons all night.
I had a dream last night that I found a bunch of my sons' missing left socks in case you wanted to know what living on the edge feels like.
Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 8, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Robert Knop","author_url":"https://twitter.com/FatherWithTwins","cache_age":86400,"description":"I had a dream last night that I found a bunch of my sons' missing left socks in case you wanted to know what living on the edge feels like.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 8, 2016\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Robert Knop on 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Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 8, 2016
When I feel really daring, I play a scarier version of Russian Roulette where I try to put away my kids' laundry while they're sleeping.
Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 6, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Walking Outside","author_url":"https://twitter.com/WalkingOutside","cache_age":86400,"description":"When I feel really daring, I play a scarier version of Russian Roulette where I try to put away my kids' laundry while they're sleeping.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 6, 2016\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Walking Outside on 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parenting tweets","slug":"best-parenting-tweets","links":{"relativeLink":"topic/best-parenting-tweets","permalink":"https://action.news/topic/best-parenting-tweets","mobileWebLink":"https://action.news/topic/best-parenting-tweets"},"department":{"name":"Life","slug":"lifestyle"},"section":{"title":"Parenting","slug":"parents"},"topic":{"title":"Best Parenting Tweets","slug":"best-parenting-tweets","overridesSectionLabel":false},"url":"https://action.news/life/topic/best-parenting-tweets"},{"name":"week","slug":"week","links":{"relativeLink":"topic/week","permalink":"https://action.news/topic/week","mobileWebLink":"https://action.news/topic/week"},"url":"https://action.news/topic/week"}],"isLiveblogLive":null,"isLiveblog":false,"cetUnit":"buzz_body","bodyAds":["\r\n\r\n","\r\n\r\n"],"adCount":0},"isCollectionEmbed":false,"enhancements":{}}">When I feel really daring, I play a scarier version of Russian Roulette where I try to put away my kids' laundry while they're sleeping.
Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 6, 2016
Kiddo's sick, so she's sleeping with mommy. That means baby girl's with me.
How can someone so small kick so hard? And take up a whole bed?
Kiddo's sick, so she's sleeping with mommy. That means baby girl's with me.
Jacques Frost (@jnyemb) December 8, 2016
How can someone so small kick so hard? And take up a whole bed?
4- *hysterical screaming* HELP I NEED HELP MOM!
*run frantically to kitchen*
Me- WHATS WRONG!
4- My banana opened funny.
4- *hysterical screaming* HELP I NEED HELP MOM!
Court (@Discourt) December 8, 2016
*run frantically to kitchen*
Me- WHATS WRONG!
4- My banana opened funny.