The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X , their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this weeks great tweets from women, and then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Something about watching Catfish makes me wanna catfish someone so bad and I dont think thats what theyre going for
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michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) November 14, 2023
hosting one of my guy friends this weekend too. i have no idea how many beers to provide a 27 year old man. 20? 100? i feel like nasa with the tampons.
grace holland (@thebiggestyee) November 15, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"grace holland","author_url":"https://twitter.com/thebiggestyee","cache_age":86400,"description":"hosting one of my guy friends this weekend too. i have no idea how many beers to provide a 27 year old man. 20? 100? i feel like nasa with the tampons. grace holland (@thebiggestyee) November 15, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"grace holland on Twitter / 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grace holland (@thebiggestyee) November 15, 2023
What I love about TV- sometimes the stakes are a bomb in a body cavity and sometimes the stakes are: pic.twitter.com/Anz5KkWx2n
Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) November 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Rohita Kadambi","author_url":"https://twitter.com/RohitaKadambi","cache_age":86400,"description":"What I love about TV- sometimes the stakes are a bomb in a body cavity and sometimes the stakes are: pic.twitter.com/Anz5KkWx2n Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) November 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Rohita Kadambi on Twitter / 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Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) November 13, 2023
waitress: are there any allergies at this table?
me, already drunk: POLLEN
waitress: are there any allergies at this table?
kim (@KimmyMonte) November 17, 2023
me, already drunk: POLLEN
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Christmas decor isnt meant to be sleek and minimalist it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house
stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 14, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"stoned cold fox","author_url":"https://twitter.com/roastmalone_","cache_age":86400,"description":"Christmas decor isnt meant to be sleek and minimalist it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 14, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"stoned cold fox on Twitter / 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stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 14, 2023
I am NOT letting my kid get a smartphone EVER. Mostly because my partner & I are both still on our parents plans, so idk how the logistics would work out
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Mostly because my partner & I are both still on our parents plans, so idk how the logistics would work out
Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) November 14, 2023
using a leaf blower is deeply attention seeking behavior
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chase (@_chase_____) November 16, 2023
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i think ill find the cure for depression in the knick knack section of a thrift store
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clare (@sadderlizards) November 15, 2023
Im a people pleaser is officially the new Im an empath. The worst person youve ever met thinks theyre a people pleaser. Never pleased a person in their life
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When a restaurant only has their own homemade ketchup.Im like dont you know hubris is the heros fatal flaw
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ellory smith (@ellorysmith) November 15, 2023
LOOK
AT
THE
NAMES pic.twitter.com/O9gdjbrTPa
LOOK
amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) November 15, 2023
AT
THE
NAMES pic.twitter.com/O9gdjbrTPa
Advertisement
My favorite new way to annoy men is to tell them I'm a woman in STEM because I do social media for a tech company.
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Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) November 14, 2023
going to my friends to get ready https://t.co/gUXJkNXtXd
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(@venusian_doll) November 13, 2023
i want a reverse hallmark movie where the heroine convinced some christmas-loving freak that it's weird to like a holiday that much
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anne t donahue (@annetdonahue) November 15, 2023
Throwing your keys into the bay is a level of punk rock I couldnt even pretend to ascend to. Id be doing the on the count of three fake out for sure. Throwin a rock in there https://t.co/EaEf4qnlxZ
caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) November 17, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"caitie delaney","author_url":"https://twitter.com/caitiedelaney","cache_age":86400,"description":"Throwing your keys into the bay is a level of punk rock I couldnt even pretend to ascend to. Id be doing the on the count of three fake out for sure. 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Id be doing the on the count of three fake out for sure. Throwin a rock in there https://t.co/EaEf4qnlxZ
caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) November 17, 2023
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meghan (@deloisivete) November 16, 2023
i am literally in a state that would get me sent to the seaside for my health in olden times
trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) November 15, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"trish","author_url":"https://twitter.com/ULTRAGLOSS","cache_age":86400,"description":"i am literally in a state that would get me sent to the seaside for my health in olden times trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) November 15, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"trish on Twitter / 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trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) November 15, 2023
I cant remember shit until my husband utters the words you never told me that, and I morph into freaking Rain Man.
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I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 13, 2023
just finished my christmas tree pic.twitter.com/lxCE7e2VSX
2000s (@PopCulture2000s) November 14, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"2000s","author_url":"https://twitter.com/PopCulture2000s","cache_age":86400,"description":"just finished my christmas tree pic.twitter.com/lxCE7e2VSX 2000s (@PopCulture2000s) November 14, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"2000s on Twitter / 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2000s (@PopCulture2000s) November 14, 2023
Advertisement
there's a first date between two hot people sitting next to me at this coffee shop and the guy just asked \"wait what texture is she?\" about the woman's cat alkfj;lksdj and the even funner part is she answered without missing a BEAT
Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 15, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Sophia Benoit","author_url":"https://twitter.com/1followernodad","cache_age":86400,"description":"there's a first date between two hot people sitting next to me at this coffee shop and the guy just asked \"wait what texture is she?\" about the woman's cat alkfj;lksdj and the even funner part is she answered without missing a BEAT Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 15, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Sophia Benoit on Twitter / 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Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 15, 2023
Youre still a bad ass, I whisper to myself as I wander around Home Goods looking for festive hand towels and pot holders.
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Marissa (@michimama75) November 13, 2023
authors are always bending genres, busting or breaking them. why not try giving a genre a loving caress or a little kiss on the head
Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 16, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Brandy Jensen","author_url":"https://twitter.com/BrandyLJensen","cache_age":86400,"description":"authors are always bending genres, busting or breaking them. why not try giving a genre a loving caress or a little kiss on the head Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 16, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Brandy Jensen on Twitter / 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Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 16, 2023
Me: *wakes up on time*
Also me:*lays there until l'm late* pic.twitter.com/XdcBZ5I8GK
Me: *wakes up on time*
Invis (@invis4yo) November 12, 2023
Also me:*lays there until l'm late* pic.twitter.com/XdcBZ5I8GK
Advertisement
Deleting my dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (my witch aunts cast a spell to find me love, which led me to a hot grocer who tragically died bc of an ancestral curse, but then I meet another guy who was the result of a love spell I did as a child.)
Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) November 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Lane Moore","author_url":"https://twitter.com/hellolanemoore","cache_age":86400,"description":"Deleting my dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (my witch aunts cast a spell to find me love, which led me to a hot grocer who tragically died bc of an ancestral curse, but then I meet another guy who was the result of a love spell I did as a child.) Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) November 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Lane Moore on Twitter / 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Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) November 13, 2023
I for one am shocked https://t.co/usLoudXid7
Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) November 16, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Molly Jong-Fast","author_url":"https://twitter.com/MollyJongFast","cache_age":86400,"description":"I for one am shocked https://t.co/usLoudXid7 Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) November 16, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Molly Jong-Fast on Twitter / 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Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) November 16, 2023
every bowen yang sketch reads like he was trying to explain niche online gay zoomer culture to the rest of the snl writers room and they just went perfect, lets do it and hes like i havent even gotten to the skit concept yet. ive just been explaining who troye sivan is
Polly Pockets ex-situationship (@ladiedbird) November 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Polly Pockets ex-situationship","author_url":"https://twitter.com/ladiedbird","cache_age":86400,"description":"every bowen yang sketch reads like he was trying to explain niche online gay zoomer culture to the rest of the snl writers room and they just went perfect, lets do it and hes like i havent even gotten to the skit concept yet. ive just been explaining who troye sivan is Polly Pockets ex-situationship (@ladiedbird) November 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Polly Pockets ex-situationship on Twitter / 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Polly Pockets ex-situationship (@ladiedbird) November 13, 2023
My mom sent me a draft of our Christmas card and its collage of my siblings with their significant others and then me at the eras tour .. classic pic.twitter.com/S5LVZydieE
maya (@allmychampagne) November 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"maya ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/allmychampagne","cache_age":86400,"description":"My mom sent me a draft of our Christmas card and its collage of my siblings with their significant others and then me at the eras tour .. classic pic.twitter.com/S5LVZydieE maya (@allmychampagne) November 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"maya on Twitter / 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maya (@allmychampagne) November 13, 2023
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taylor swift is just like me fr like I too will lose my damn mind and start acting foolish when presented with a man whos got charisma and incredible arms
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ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) November 12, 2023
waiting for the cashier to notice me after I screw up the self check out again pic.twitter.com/XnoX0LZCNx
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PYPER (@badbbyaera) November 12, 2023
19 year old girl at work called me over and asked me if i had a facebook and i said \"yeah i guess i have an account\" then she turned to another girl and was like \"see i told you\" then they both started laughing
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visual basic (@visualbasic97) November 13, 2023
Dateline has taught me that the day I light up a room, my days are numbered.
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Lovely Potatoes (@robin_991) November 14, 2023
Advertisement
taylor swift in 2011: from when your brooklyn broke my skin and bones im a soldier whos returning half her weight, and did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? just between us, did the love affair maim you too?
travis kelce in 2011: i just gave a squirle a peice of bread pic.twitter.com/VSqRoG2TcY
taylor swift in 2011: from when your brooklyn broke my skin and bones im a soldier whos returning half her weight, and did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? just between us, did the love affair maim you too?
veronica 19/11 (@folklorexcvi) November 15, 2023
travis kelce in 2011: i just gave a squirle a peice of bread pic.twitter.com/VSqRoG2TcY
Dont you feel like maybe the name Newfoundland was intended as a placeholder?
Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) November 16, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Ginny Hogan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/ginnyhogan_","cache_age":86400,"description":"Dont you feel like maybe the name Newfoundland was intended as a placeholder? 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Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) November 16, 2023
Screen time down 14% last week pic.twitter.com/79tIQ5YmF0
Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) November 12, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Rose Dommu","author_url":"https://twitter.com/rosedommu","cache_age":86400,"description":"Screen time down 14% last week pic.twitter.com/79tIQ5YmF0 Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) November 12, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Rose Dommu on Twitter / 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Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) November 12, 2023
stanley tucci isnt sweating over a pot of al dente risotto on tiktok daily for this https://t.co/jtErlWx0nK
lucy ford (@lucyj_ford) November 16, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"lucy ford ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/lucyj_ford","cache_age":86400,"description":"stanley tucci isnt sweating over a pot of al dente risotto on tiktok daily for this https://t.co/jtErlWx0nK lucy ford (@lucyj_ford) November 16, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"lucy ford on Twitter / 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lucy ford (@lucyj_ford) November 16, 2023
Advertisement
Youre making fun of George Santos, a man whose mother died not once but twice or possibly even three times?? Thats low.
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Thats low.
Amy A (@lolennui) November 16, 2023
what kills me about long haired dachshunds is that u can tell they want to be taken seriously
Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) November 17, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Sydney Battle","author_url":"https://twitter.com/SydneyBattle","cache_age":86400,"description":"what kills me about long haired dachshunds is that u can tell they want to be taken seriously Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) November 17, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Sydney Battle on Twitter / 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Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) November 17, 2023
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hey do any friends wanna grab a drink* this week
*become personally responsible for upholding my entire sense of self, tell me Im good at my job and shouldnt quit, give me a reason any reason at all to go on, remind me what makes life worth it, then chat about who were dating
hey do any friends wanna grab a drink* this week
caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) November 13, 2023
*become personally responsible for upholding my entire sense of self, tell me Im good at my job and shouldnt quit, give me a reason any reason at all to go on, remind me what makes life worth it, then chat about who were dating
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