Went to my kids back to school night tonight, used the girls bathroom, reminisced about the old school TP of our youth that was essentially American cheese sized squares made of sandpaper.

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Sometimes I'm super classy and other times I accidentally wear a brewery hat to Back to School night

Tonight was other times

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At back to school night resist the following urges:
Pointing out typos on the teacher's PowerPoint presentation.
Saying loudly, 'Oh fuck that noise' when asked to volunteer for the school carnival.
Hitting a vape.
Stealing post-it notes from the teacher's desk.

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Huh. Well I just had more parents come into the library during back to school night than ever before

It only took me 8 years to think to prop the doors open to make the room more clearly welcoming. It worked like a charm

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Tonight at back to school night we learned our 3 year old loves going around the preschool pretending to serve everyone drinks and when the teachers ask what it is he says its alcohol

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We thought our son was excited for us to attend Back-to-School night so we could meet his teacherTurns out, his actual excitement was bc he couldnt wait to show us the bathroom stall he had carefully chosento do all the pooping in.

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Attending Back-to-School night so excuse me while I spend 3 days signing up for all the websites and apps.

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Look all Im saying is that if they invite all the parents to Back To School Night, they should crown one of us Hottest Dad

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Currently attending back to school night....im really an old ass parent now

The Kidd (@Yung_TrizzleMan) September 28, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"The Kidd","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Yung_TrizzleMan","cache_age":86400,"description":"Currently attending back to school night....im really an old ass parent now The Kidd (@Yung_TrizzleMan) September 28, 2023\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"The Kidd on Twitter / 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Heres a billion dollar idea - childcare (plus dinner for the kids) at Back to School night.

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If youre at parent back to school night and some 55yo looks outstanding in jean cutoffs and the non-divorced parents are holding hands and extroverts are having a popularity contest and someones older sibling was waitlisted at Harvard and you walk out into the 90 dusk

StateOfKate (@StateofKate) August 25, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"StateOfKate","author_url":"https://twitter.com/StateofKate","cache_age":86400,"description":"If youre at parent back to school night and some 55yo looks outstanding in jean cutoffs and the non-divorced parents are holding hands and extroverts are having a popularity contest and someones older sibling was waitlisted at Harvard and you walk out into the 90 dusk StateOfKate (@StateofKate) August 25, 2023\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"StateOfKate on Twitter / 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Not me showing up to back to school night with my kids a day too soon. Back to bed I go.

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Middle school parents should receive a basket at back to school night including:
Botox vouchers.
Advil.
Hair dye for greys.
A small slab of a safe material that wont cause harm, to bang your head against when the need arises. Which is going to be a lot.

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Going to Back to School night tonight at my son's school which is truly the most adult thing I've ever done, including getting married, giving birth, and taking my car to a car wash without my dad.

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Went to back to school night and saw a poem my daughter wrote and she said our house was clean so now she gets cupcakes for dinner.

@itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 25, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"@itssherifield","author_url":"https://twitter.com/itssherifield","cache_age":86400,"description":"Went to back to school night and saw a poem my daughter wrote and she said our house was clean so now she gets cupcakes for dinner. @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 25, 2023\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"@itssherifield on Twitter / 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Just canceled my birthday date night to go to 6th grade back-to-school night, AMA.

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The correct response to back-to-school parent night emails is not will there be wine?

I know this now

mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) September 7, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"mom mom mom mom mom","author_url":"https://twitter.com/notmythirdrodeo","cache_age":86400,"description":"The correct response to back-to-school parent night emails is not will there be wine?I know this now mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) September 7, 2022\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"mom mom mom mom mom on Twitter / 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i have never said a sentence that made me age faster in real time than i wanted to go to the linkin park reunion concert but i cant because its Back to School Night at preschool

Katie Chironis (@kchironis) September 8, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Katie Chironis","author_url":"https://twitter.com/kchironis","cache_age":86400,"description":"i have never said a sentence that made me age faster in real time than i wanted to go to the linkin park reunion concert but i cant because its Back to School Night at preschool Katie Chironis (@kchironis) September 8, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Katie Chironis on Twitter / 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Back to school night and Im feelin very demuretsy

Emily (@emily_tweets) September 4, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Emily ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/emily_tweets","cache_age":86400,"description":"Back to school night and Im feelin very demuretsy Emily (@emily_tweets) September 4, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Emily on Twitter / 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Forgot to take a pic of my Kindergartener at Back to School night. Please dont call Child Protective Services on me.

Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) August 18, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Jennifer Parker","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Mrs_JParker","cache_age":86400,"description":"Forgot to take a pic of my Kindergartener at Back to School night. Please dont call Child Protective Services on me. 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I told my girls I left them something in their classrooms at back to school night and they asked if it was a laptop.

@itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 23, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"@itssherifield","author_url":"https://twitter.com/itssherifield","cache_age":86400,"description":"I told my girls I left them something in their classrooms at back to school night and they asked if it was a laptop. @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 23, 2022\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"@itssherifield on Twitter / 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Back to school night on NFL kickoff Thursday? Might have to change school districts.

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